Wednesday, September 2, 2009

20 Things a man should never say…

Our insightful Chuck is well known for his educational series on men for women so I am going to be providing an educational series on women for men. Just like Chuck I have 650 of them.

Being a woman of the world Madame Boodwah has found herself in many interesting conversations over the years about the WRONG things that have left the mouths of our lovely male counterparts. So she's compiled some of the worst into a list of 20 things a man should never say.

Generally a lot of these remarks come from very insecure men who are trying to bring the girl down and keep her there, for fear she'll find someone better, because deep down they know she can….and so does everyone else. There are heaps of men out there who do not fall into this category but for those of you who are a little unsure of what not to say, listen and learn my friends.

1. Farrrrrkkk your cousins hot! Never pass any comment on the attractiveness of other female members of the family, other than to say "They looked nice" or some other generic adjective. This rule applies in both directions - if they are gorgeous or ugly.

2. Can you suck my balls? Like Warren out of Something About Mary mid coitus. It’s a definite passion killer. If that’s what you want there are more sensual ways of going about it.

3. Are they real? While staring at her breasts like a stunned rabbit.

4. [Insert attractive girl's name who is standing near your girlfriend] you look really beautiful tonight. If you have done this you are nothing but a prick. Not only will your girlfriend hate you for saying this but you’ve also put that girl in an awkward predicament because now your girlfriend hates that girl.

5. I’m sure in due course you will realise I am right. A statement made from the lips of a South African. Extreme arrogance is ugly and stupid when it's clear you are wrong.

6. Hey we should catch up for a drink while my girlfriend is away. In front of your girlfriend to her friend who you don’t really know. It’s a tad insensitive for both parties don’t you think.

7. Don’t suck my cock because guys do it better. This takes the cake. I think you’ve mixed up your team's fruit loop.

8. I have syphilis, you should get yourself checked. Expect her to pass out cold.

9. You look like a ditz. Usually this statement is made from an incredibly insecure guy. Particularly when he knows looks-wise he is way below the woman’s league.

10. At the news of “I’m pregnant” responding with “Is it mine?” Expect to be hit over the head with a saucepan.

11. See that chick over there? I f*cked her. Wow mate, you’re a real hero.

12. You are AGING beautifully. You should never use the word aging particularly when your date is only 28.

13. You need to lose a couple of kilos. Expect not to be spoken to for a month or possibly dropped.

14. Don’t tell her about the 16 year old you were perving on an airplane trip and how she was from ‘good stock’.

15. Aren’t those jeans getting a bit tight? You should love us as we are.

16. I don’t want to prolong this anymore. While lying their naked after a hot love making session and giving her a gift you just bought her. There’s a time and a place – mixed messages aren’t cool.

17. I love you but I’m not in love with you. It’s condescending and stupid particularly when she hasn’t even confessed her love for you or even bought up the topic.

18. Smile. Nothing shits us more when we’ve had a bad day and some knob in a nightclub or bar comes up to you and says smile. This will just inspire us to give you the finger.

19. I’ve picked up 19 year olds. Don’t you think it’s a bit wrong to brag about past conquests to your new girlfriend? These are tragic words coming from 38 year old man.

20. Do you realise your left ear lobe is lower than your right? WTF! Expect to be called a psycho. Girls have read ‘the Game’ too you know.

Have you ever had a moment when your world came to the screeching halt of a record player as a love interest made a statement that had wrong stamped all over it? Please feel free to share.


  1. "You were really mean to me when you were pregnant."
    Oh, my bad. I'm sorry if carrying 13kg of extra weight (aka your demon spawn) for nine months and not being able to bend over for the final four made me a little testy.

  2. How do you feel about just being friends?
    Seriously, have the balls to just say no to this question. Does anyone really mean it when they say it?

  3. In the middle of our first snogging session, he said: "I'm not drunk enough to be doing this".