Thursday, September 17, 2009

Man Child Spits The Dummy

Dear Madame Boodwah

This week I received an email from an ex bf - let's call him MC... because... well they are his initials.

Now MC and I were together for approx a year before the cruelty of visa restrictions forced me to come back to Australia from London...

Fast forward five years or more... and I'm happily engaged, five months pregnant and madly, contently in love. MC also is engaged and presumably madly in love.

I receive an email from MC this week... he invites me to his wedding to his wife to be and gives me some details about his life over there - work is good - life is good- drinking is fun - travelling around Europe is fun - found a favourite noodle place - just got back from Paris - still drinking a shed load, isn't it fun living in London still yak yak yak wah wah wah.

and then this gem:

"I saw on Facebook that you were pregnant. I don't really know what to say about that. I don't know what that means for us"

Yup. You got it folks. What that means for US?


Dear HUH?

I have two words for you Paraphilic Infantilism. Also known as an adult baby (AB), diaper lover (DL) or nappy wearer (NW).

It’s always a good boost for the ego when we know an ex is still holding a flame for us. Although in this situation Man Child has really thrown us a curve ball. I’m surprised you didn’t get this email when you were engaged which leads me to think he’s more jealous of the child than your husband. Did he look at you like a mother figure? Was dinner time always a struggle? Did Man Child ever put in any requests for you to change his nappy? Or did you ever wonder where that pack of Huggies came from when you did your grocery shop together or did he ever make annoying repetitive statements on long journeys like ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’

When someone goes on and on about how fun their life is it’s generally not. Quite clearly his new wife doesn’t change his nappies the way you use too.

It’s interesting he’s invited you to his wedding. Considering you haven’t seen him in some time and you are his ex-girlfriend I question his motives behind inviting you. I think he wants to prove how amazing his unamazing life really is to you in the hope that you’ll want to go back to breast feeding him.

It’s good to know you have since moved on from Nappy Wearers but if you want to avoid him spitting the dummy in front of all the guests I would strongly suggest declining the invitation.

If you go you’ll have to implement awkward measures so he won’t get jealous of the new baby such as giving him your full attention, lots of cuddles, a present from the baby and telling Man Child how much you love him. Which is really not what I’d imagine you’d want to do because yes well it’s just plain freaky.

If you must do something send him a pack of Huggies, some bibs and maybe throw in a copy of the Wiggles DVD which he’ll be thrilled about because the song ‘Wake up Jeff’ will probably be used for the Bridal Waltz.

As for his question ‘what does this mean for US?’ It means it’s over or you put him up for adoption, like so 5 years ago.

Good luck with your new bub HUH? I think you’ll be the perfect mother considering all the practice you’ve already had.

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