Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Touching the Pink bits

Chuck Long,

I need some advice... a friend aka Pinky, has been seeing a young chap for approximately 8 months and things have been moving along quite smoothly, however a couple of incidents have occurred which i think are out of line and if I was in the same position I would be getting the hell outta that relationship.

Basically I would like to know as a friend should I tell Pinky that I think she is crazy to continue this relationship or do I let her make her own choices and not provide any input, even though she feels the need to tell me every little detail of the happenings of the relationship.

Just to give you a taste...Pinky and Chap go to a party, there is an abundance of alcohol to be drunk and the two are not joint at the hip rather they are mingling with other partygoers. Pinky needs a toilet run and as she is leaving said toilet sees into another room and Chap is dancing with another lady and holding hands whilst doing so. Pinky is angered but just walks away to get herself another shot. Some time passes and Pinky then moves into another room and there is Chap holding another lady's hand and talking. Pinky's blood is now boiling but she refrains from approaching Chap and making a scene, instead she decides to give him the cold shoulder until the following day, when he asks what is wrong. During this discussion, Chap proceeds to tell Pinky that he had a ''connection'' with this lady but reassures her that Pinky is the one for him. 

I don't know about you CL but this seems a little out of order to me, If I was to see the love of my life behaving in such a manner he would no longer be the love of my life. The question i put to you is do you tell your friend she is a fool to continue with such a chump or is this behaviour normal and as long as he can talk the talk and tell her everything is ok should I let it go and not let her know what i think. I just dont want to see a good friend get hurt......"



Dear DC,

As far as Chuck is concerned, if your friend Pinky is prepared to bore you to death with every detail of her relationship then all's fair in love and shattering her entire life.

You pose 2 questions:

  1. Do you tell your pal that she has rocks in her head for putting up with his act?

  2. Is his behaviour normal?

Chuck will start by answering in reverse order.

Is his behaviour normal?

Let's get a few things straight right off the bat. Standard issue male behaviour at being dragged to a party is to quickly find a group of males that they know, smash beers and leer at women while every 30 minutes checking in with their partner assuring them that they are having a good time while secretly dreading being there. The more secure the relationship, the less subtle the dread.

No bloke over the age of 27 or under the age of 48 with a girlfriend / wife would be caught dead dancing. Let alone at a fucking party at someone's house. Chuck needs you to conduct a quick straw pole amongst every female person you know with a significant other and ask them the last time their boyfriend / husband willingly got up and danced with THEM. Guys don't choose to dance when they are in secure long term relationships. It just doesn't happen. Think about every wedding you have ever been to. Most blokes need to be dragged onto the dance floor or at least be promised a special treat (involving your mouth and his penis) later in the evening to get them up on the tiles.

(for more on men and dancing... http://realitybytes101.blogspot.com/2009/08/long-and-short-of-it.html)

The only way this guy was dancing by choice was a) he was off his chops on disco biscuits or b) he is looking to lay pipe in someone other than Pinky's foundations. Even then, being out of your mind on drugs is a better excuse than standing in a room holding hands and dancing with some chick in the hope that you will put one away. If Chuck finds out that they were soul grooving to anything off the Dirty Dancing soundtrack, he may have to hunt Chap down and do mankind a favour.

Actually now that Chuck thinks of it, perhaps we have all missed the issue. Look at it this way, Chap is slow dancing and forming connections with females all throughout the house – no kissing, no heavy petting, no dry humping. You know what? Chap's gay. You need to blow him out of the closet!

Your second question regarding whether or not you should tell your buddy that her boyfriend is a toss bag?

Of course you should. She seems to have no issue dumping every piece of happenstance on you, so if you feel strongly enough that Chap is a cock spanker, then you need to open up both barrels and let her have it, if only to save yourself from having to keep hearing about it.

Mind you it would be interesting to hear about him coming out as Chuck predicted. Should we start a betting line on it? Pencil Chuck in for February 14th 2010.

Chuck senses that your friend Pinky may have a deeper issue. She sounds like a real attention whore. Think about it, is her telling you everything all part of the rigmarole that is her relationship? She gives you intimate details about her relationship as if you guys were in high-school and leans on you for support when her boyfriend / future gay best friend, goes off the rails. It seems like she thrives on the action more than anything and isn't really looking for an answer.

If this is the case and she is an attention whore, perhaps you could encourage her at the next soiree to indulge in a little lambada (the forbidden dance) action or better yet, do what all the kids are doing at the moment and smoke as many random poles as she can at the party. Then when Chap questions her she can say she had “multiple connections” with these guys pocket rockets but that he is still the one for her.

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