Sunday, October 4, 2009

Points for Trying

By Chuck Long

Dear Chuck

My best friend has started seeing a guy on and off, nothing too serious but she likes him. The last time they went out he took her to dinner. He called a couple of days later and said that he wanted to set his mate up with me and we should go on a 'double date'. I didn't want to (I had met him before and wasn't interested) but I agreed for her so she could see her guy again. Anyway, they spoke casually about it all week and when the day came she heard nothing. She sent him a text late afternoon with no reply. So I told her stuff that lets go out anyway. We did - we had a few wines - she messaged him response. So I said give me the friend’s number I'll text him and find out what the hell is going on. I got a text straight back. To cut a long story short the friend (not my best friends guy, the one I was supposed to be set up with) and another one of their other mates show up to where we were and expect to hang out with us all night!!!



Dear Shakira,

Surely you’ve been reading Reality Bytes for long enough to know that men’s behavior comes with no real rational explanation. Chuck can’t help you in your efforts to decipher why your pal’s beau pulled the pin with zero communication because it could be one of many reasons – met a new woman, felt overwhelmed, got transferred away to another state with work, was in a drug induced coma, ran away with the circus, lost interest, kidnapped by a bikie gang, called up by the Australian cricket team as a late replacement for the wicket keeper. Who know’s?

Call Chuck old fashioned but it seems like clamming up and hoping that a week’s worth of ignoring a person is enough of a message to dump someone is just plain fucked. People used to get a sense of satisfaction from telling someone that they’ve been dropped. If shitty 1980’s clothing and accessories can make a return, Chuck is adamant that he can reinstate the fad of communication. Nothing too drastic, just the art of actually letting people down verbally. Chuck hasn’t head a good ol’ fashioned “you’re dumped” since Jesus was a lad.

Anyway, Chuck digresses.

Shakira you made it fairly clear in your email that you weren’t interested in the “friend of a friend” but you have to give the bugger points for trying! He obviously knew that his mate’s used-by date with your buddy had expired, but that did not discourage him and he simply roped another wingman in for the journey to take a crack at you. It shows great determination….. and how stupid blokes can be.

Instead of reading this situation for what it was – a bitter and twisted woman out with her friend trying to recuperate from a silent and deadly dumping, he has seen as an opportunity to take another crack at your poon. The way he should have played it was to show up on his own, pretend that he was really annoyed at his friend for the way he treated your chum and used the residual emotion to slide his way into your knickers.

Lets face it, if he showed up and called his boy out, perhaps even provided some insight into the reasons why he dumped your mate, he probably would have scored some points with you*. You may have taken a shine to his honesty, his ability to see through his friend’s selfish act and appreciated his ability to empathise with your girlfriend’s situation. There is a strong chance that you would have seen the “other side” to him and all of a sudden become a little bit enamored with him.

* Chuck must note that it is totally fair game in bloke universe to dump on your friends in order to score some pussy. Sure, it becomes completely uncomfortable if you ever end up becoming really serious about the woman you rubbished your mate to as they’ll often end up in social settings together as she’ll always remember what douche bag he was, but if it means getting laid, nearly all blokes will accept their good name being dragged through the mud. It’s almost like being a spiritual wingman.

Instead, this numb nuts has shown up with some replacement sausage, hoping that the secondary meat will more than satisfy your friend and allow him to take a punt on you. Chuck must admit he is torn a little here. On one hand Chuck shakes his head at this guy’s totally rookie mistake. Any time spent standing in front of the mirror looking at himself and asking WWCD (What would Chuck Do)? would have told him not to try the backup boyfriend plan. Chuck wants to beat this meat head for such a bone headed play. How on earth could he think that he would part your beef curtains by trying this stunt? He had to know that you would drop a spanner in the works the minute he dragged another buddy along or else he is a retard.

On the other hand, kudos to him for throwing all common sense to the wind and pushing his chips to the centre of the table. He doesn’t give a toss about your friend, he’s after you. He may in fact have been quite thoughtful by bringing a wingman a long, hoping that his boy had enough game to distract your pal so that he could take a crack at you. His resourcefulness and determination are to be applauded. He had his eyes on the prize and he did all he could to facilitate his victory.

Now that Chuck has had some time to reflect, perhaps Chuck hasn’t given this dude enough credit. He may have in fact engaged the platinum move. He brought his unwitting wingman along in the hope that he picked human behavior correctly. He was banking on your best girl pulling the ultimate breakup move – the revenge fuck! She’s so jacked off with her guy that she bones one of his mates. Her rebound root frees the shackles and while she sinks her teeth into his wingman, the passage is cleared to plough you.

Fair play to him!

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