On a pleasant sunny morning in the New York summer of 2002 Madame Boodwah was again being driven into the ground by her trainer Luce Lips, as she was preparing for her Caribbean holiday with her boyfriend the Russian Diplomat. Now the Russian Diplomat was a keen cyclist and he treated anything in bedroom with the same kind of attitude, so Madame Boodwah knew she had to work on her fitness levels.
After another intense work out and yes another ‘too much information’ story from Luce Lips, Madame Boodwah was doing her warm down stretches when she overheard a conversation between a New York woman and her personal trainer. For the purposes of this post lets call her Fanny.
In Fanny’s New York accent that was very similar to ‘The Nanny’ she told the story of how she went on a date with a guy who suggested they go to Yoghurtland which is similar to a big ice cream chain except these dudes sell Yoghurt. Now her hypothesis was because he had suggested a healthy eating option she believed that he used to be a fat and that he must have gone to fat camp.
‘Oh no’ ‘I caann’t go OUT with a FATTIE!!!! I CAN’T GO OUT WITH ONE WHO WENT TO FAT CAMP!!!’ Exclaimed Fanny.
Madame Boodwah couldn’t help but hide the judgement from her face at this woman’s vacuous theory, and was in some ways offended because Madame Boodwah finds big men gentle giants and has always had a bit of thing for them. Sure the line gets cut off at obesity but an extra bit to cuddle never hurt anyone.
Madame Boodwah had been in a long distant love affair with the Russian Diplomat for about a year. It was now 6 months since they'd last seen each other and the Russian Diplomat did love to cycle but when they lived in the same country it was safe and possible. He now lived in a 3rd world country living in a compound meaning he had to drive everywhere and cycling was not an option.
Jokingly, over their conversations on the phone, he had said his skinny jeans had been thrown to the back of the wardrobe but Madame Boodwah didn’t think there was any need to worry about a couple of kilos as she did like a bit of extra pud after all.
Madame Boodwah arrived in the Carribean earlier than the Russian Diplomat but she thought she’d surprise him at the airport. A man who looked liked her boyfriend but double the size walked off the plane and in ways looked like a not quite right Cartman out of South Park episode Smug Alert.
The Russian Diplomat observed that Madame Boodwah had noticed his weight gain from her surprised and happy look but unfortunately misinterpreted her facial expression in a negative way.
‘I know darling, I am a bigger man now’ he said, with a sheepish shrug.
That night after an intense 6 hour (although it use to be 12 hours) love making session at the resort, Madame Boodwah couldn’t help but want to squeeze his man boob as if it were a stress ball, moving on to his love handle and then his tummy for a bit of loving fun. ‘Dooon’t’ he said turning away from her. It was clear he wasn’t finding it funny but Madame Boodwah found his weight gain endearing and she realised it was more of a problem for him than it was for her.
What’s the point of this post today? Well Madame Boodwah wants her readers to know that sometimes our lovers will find perfection in what society calls our imperfections.
As the ol’ Russian proverb goes ‘we do not love people because they are beautiful, but they seem beautiful to us because we love them.’
Madame Boodwah has seen many a chiselled body in her time but in ways finds they're uninteresting, as it's the flaws that can humanize a person. Feel free to contest in our comments section but I believe a man’s sexiness all has to do with the way he carries himself.
What do you think?