Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Open 24/7 Part 2 - Human Semen Depository

Continued from


Just as I was about to offer Luce Lips some advice I saw Chuck leave his Yoga class and knowing that he would likely be heading towards the dumbbells to put on a gun show, I knew that it would be a good opportunity to see if Chuck had some insight to offer.

‘Chuck!’ I shouted as I waved my arm at him to come over.

‘Hey Dudes, what’s happening?’ He asked as walked over.

After relaying the Luce Lips story about never closing herself for business http://realitybytes101.blogspot.com/2009/09/open-247.html Chuck nodded his head while taking it all in as if he fully understood the issue at hand.

‘Truth be told, I tend to agree with Luce Lips mother. You never want your man wandering the streets with a full bag of seed – he’ll only want to spread it.’ Said Chuck much to the amusement and shock of Choo Choo and Madame Boodwah. Just as Madame Boodwah was about to defend all women kind Chuck continued.

‘However, there is absolutely no reason that Luce needs to play the role of human semen depository. There has to be some balance in the relationship and this is where Chuck’s theory comes into play – the theory of “More is Less”

Chuck is a firm believer that men are genetically wired to dump their beans as often as possible. In cave man days, men would hump anything with a pulse and a V’jay-jay in order to get your seed into the gene pool. As society has evolved, men are now expected to only drop a load into one special person, which is all well and good until you consider that the national average for sex per week is something ridiculous like 1.84 times per week.

‘What does the 0.84 represent?’ Asked an amused Madame Boodwah

‘Probably a drunken shag with no ejaculation - which means you have a beast wired to blow a load as often as possible now being restrained to under two times per week? That can only lead to trouble.’ Said Chuck with a face of concern.

‘Yeah well that’s all and good Chuck but what can Luce do to stop her vagina from falling off?’ asked Madame Boodwah.

‘Well Luce being a sperm receptacle probably prevents her man from straying. In fact he probably unloads so much of his man sauce that he doesn’t even look at other women. So how do you keep your man on love lock down while at the same time allowing yourself to get up at 4am to take a whizz without being accosted? Simple – you control the flow.’ Said Chuck as Luce got out her notebook realising he was about to give her the Da Vagina Code.

‘Pavlov’s classic conditioning was demonstrated in dogs but it could have so easily been used on men and their sexual routines. This is where Chuck’s theory comes into play. By putting your man onto a sex cycle and adhering to it, you keep him satisfied, often wanting more but with you always in control.

In Luces case she is giving it up anytime her pussy flinches at the moment. She may initially have to be firm and cut it back to once per day. For those of you scoring at home, that would be 7 times per week. For anyone else in the gym listening in and averaging 1.84, it means you will have to turn it up a notch – lets gun for 4 times per week.’ Said Chuck as the whole gym swarmed around him to listen to his lecture.

‘The key is setting a routine. If your dude knows that he is getting the good loving 4+ times per week, he is never leaving the Promised Land. You also want to have a few key checkpoints. For example, Saturday lunchtime is blowjob time. At least once per week, your bloke knows that you will gum his plums.

Of course you don’t want to settle into a boring routine where Monday night equals missionary pump and dump night, but by having a set game plan you can control interest and intrigue. Of course, this routine doesn’t prevent some extracurricular activity. Say you mix in an extra BJ on a Thursday, now all of a sudden you are in fellatio credit. This credit can be bartered for an extra orgasm for yourself or a handbag.’ Chuck informed the gym.

Luce Lips intently wrote everything down.

‘By giving it up more, you actually have to worry less.’ Said Chuck

‘So what about the woman in this situation?’ asked Choo Choo

Chuck smiled ‘Now this is not all about your man getting his rocks off. You have to enjoy the experience as well so you’ll need to build into this schedule times where your needs are met which will require your bloke stepping up. This has to be a mutually beneficial program. In Luce’s case, perhaps her man will see how she feels because now he actually has to get his hands (or tongue) dirty and do some work. Knowing that he has to put some hard yards in and make her feel like a million bucks may reality check him and cause him to think before he blows.’ Chuck looked around to see a group of satisfied students with murmurs in the crowd as if Einstein had just told them his theory of relativity.

‘Now if you’ll excuse Chuck, he has biceps to work on’ he said, as he knew his work was done.

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