Thursday, October 29, 2009

Hook, line and sinker?

On a mild summers evening Madame Boodwah was at home laying on her zebra chaise lounge engrossed in ‘The Game’ by Neil Strauss, a book about the secret society of pick up artists (PUA’s) when her antique classic brass cradle phone rang. Madame Boodwah picked up the phone and spoke into the receiver

‘The Boodwah residence, lady of the house speaking’ in a feigned British accent.

‘Allo Madame, it is your friend Mimi La Rouge. Ow are you?’ said Mimi in a French Tahitian accent mimicking an ex of mine.

‘I am goooood. Ow are you?' Madame Boodwah said mimicking the accent back.

‘I’m okay, I need to go out for a few drinks though. I’m sick of these four walls. Feel like joining me?’ asked Mimi La Rouge switching back to her Australian accent.

Mimi La Rouge had recently bequeathed herself of a relationship that had left her feeling a bit deflated but relieved at the same time.

‘hmmmm, well I’m kind of engrossed in ‘The Game’ at the moment. I thought I’d give it a re-read’ replied Madame Boodwah

A couple of years back Madame Boodwah before she had even read the book although had heard about it noticed a trend in behaviour from the guys that would try to chat her up in a bar or when they took her on a date. An example is a technique called negging which involves getting her to try and feel bad about herself by saying things like ‘you’re beautiful but not like classically beautifully’ when really that just showed how insecure they were.

‘Why are you re-reading that book again? It so doesn’t work on Australian girls. We so see through that shit! Come on, come out with me, just one drink’ said Mimi La Rouge.

Mimi La Rouge did have a point thought Madame Boodwah and realised it was her duty as a close friend to help her drink away her sorrows.

‘Okay just one - I’ll meet you at the Vine’ said Madame Boodwah in her famous last words.

‘Great. See you in an hour’ said Mimi La Rouge.

10 too many Apple Martini’s later Mimi La Rouge and Madame Boodwah were scoping out the talent when Madame Boodwah noticed a not quite right Neil Strauss look a like (bald and slick suit who we’ll call Super Stylin) give her the eye. Within 30 seconds Super Stylin’ walks over.

‘Hello Ladies. Are you enjoying your evening?’ asked Super Stylin’

Mimi La Rouge instantly put up her invisible brick wall of China.

‘Yep.’ She said with an unimpressed smile.

‘We’re having a lovely night thankyou. How’s your night?’ said Madame Boodwah to try and warm up the ice cave he had just walking into.

Madame Boodwah knows it’s a big step for guys to come up and talk to a girl so even if she’s not interested in them will still make an effort because she doesn’t want to discourage them from making the first step with other girls.

However after a bit of small talk he asked if we were single. I told him I wasn’t although I was because I could see where the conversation was going and I wasn’t interested.

‘So where’s your boyfriend?’ asked Super Stylin’

‘He’s working’ Madame Boodwah replied

‘How long have you been together?’ inquired Super Stylin’

‘3 years’ Madame Boodwah replied looking away as Mimi La Rouge nearly choked on her drink trying not to laugh.

Madame Boodwah then tried to flip the conversation back to him asking how his love life was. Super Stylin’ then explained that he was in love with this girl who was 10 years his junior. He had only been seeing this girl for a couple of months after she had only just broken up from a 2 year relationship but then decided to go back to it. Super Stylin’ told us how gutted he was and how in love he was with this girl. He definitely had us drawn in when another guy (Schlick) who had nothing to do with Super Stylin’ smiled at me from a couple of meters away and then walked up to say hello.

After some chit chat he asked who Super Stylin’ was to us. Madame Boodwah then informed Schlick he was a guy we had only met tonight and then relayed Super Stylin’s tale of romantic woe.

Schlick then gave a wry smile and laughed ‘You’ve got to be kidding right? That’s the oldest trick in the book’ he said.

‘Really?’ Madame Boodwah said surprised.

‘Yep, he’s reeled you in hook, line and sinker’ said Schlick smugly.

While Super Stylin’ was distracted by a mate Madame Boodwah lent over to Mimi La Rouge to explain what Schlick had said with my new reservations about Super Stylin’.

Mimi La Rouge then stood up for Super Stylin’ and said ‘No, no he’s a really genuine guy. He’s not like that at all. I feel really sorry for him’.

This whole scenario got Madame Boodwah thinking was Schlick pissing on Super Stylin’s parade or was he genuine? Did Super Stylin’ make up a tale of romantic woe to neutralise the situation in the hope of some naked horizontal charity?


Are we witnessing a revolution in the male pick up scene where men are preying on women’s vulnerability to male emotions being revealed?

Loyal readers your insights are appreciated.


  1. how on earth anyone can find a sob story appealing is beyond me. what happened to the days of bare chested men displaying confidence and bravado? this sensistive and emotional approach makes me gag. i want a real man!

  2. Allo Madame Ow r youuu?

    Deja vu man. Find myself oddly familiar with this story. The guy was quite opportunistic with his handy hands but if the unrequited love story is the oldest technique in the book then the boys need a new book. Who wants a guy banging on about some girl who doesn't want him? Unattractive. I think if he was preying on anything it was our unfortunate nature to nurture, all he got was advice and pity. All the cocktails in the world (long islands & tequila excluded) couldn't have made either one of us go home with him.

    Nope, that shit don't work on Australian girls, even ones in need of a rebound.

    And... in my defense, I agree, ladies be nice when boys approach, the icy arsy glamours have scared the living shyte out of most boys. I wasn't that cold, I smiled. It's a fine line, nice does often result in being bailed up for the rest of the night listening to stories about broken hearts or, if they've read The Game, how your earlobes are uneven (can I borrow your copy Madame?).

    xx La Rouge

  3. Absolute rubbish!
    Guys will do anything, say anything and even trample over their own grand mother to get their ends in...this is a prime example of a great technique in falsely appearing to be sensitive in order to appear more attractive to the female gender...the beauty of it is that some women have not yet picked up on please remove this posting before word gets out...and if you could remove your post on 'going ugly early' too that would be much will be making my life a misery!!

  4. Madame B,

    You should have made the two blokes square off in a sword fight ( in the middle of the club. Metaphorically speaking, that's what Schlick was doing - firmly grabbing hold of his own dick and trying to destroy his competition by pissing on his parade.

    We arent too far away from guys breaking down and crying in bars as a means to scoop up women.

    Give Chuck strength!

  5. Sob stories are not hot. How can you flirt with a man who appears to be ready to cry into his appletini?

  6. Please get a new book. These tricks are rubbish, they might work on a sure thing but why waste effort and strategy on a sure thing. Chuck the boys need you, they need effective techniques that don't leave them looking lame and tragic, Madame you should consult.

    La Rouge.

  7. yep....agree with Chuck.
    Schlick (or should it be Smuck) was flexing his muscle trying to get rid of Super Stylin’. He would have been eyeing both girls out earlier and was trumped by SS. Easiest way to flex that muscle is to put SS down when he's not there to defend himself. Now that's the oldest trick in the book. Have confidence and just being yourself works everytime. Your going to have to do it sometime with this chick your trying to impress.