Sunday, January 10, 2010

She work it girl, she work the pole


I met this totally cool chick through mutual friends. The first couple of get togethers were in a group setting. I got up the balls to ask her out and we went on a couple of dates. Things were going really well. On the third date she tells me that she is a stripper. This isn’t her full time job, she is studying but I’m having a tough time coming to grips with this.

What should I do?


Yo D,

It’s time to cue up 50 Cent’s ‘Ayo Technology’!

She work it girl, she work the pole
She break it down, she take it low
She fine as hell, she about the dough
She doing her thing out on the floor
Her money money, she makin' makin'
Look at the way she shakin' shakin'
Make you want to touch it, make you want to taste it
Have you lustin' for her, go crazy face it
Now don't stop, get it, get it
The way she shakin' make you want to hit it
Think she double jointed from the way she split
Got you're head f**ked up from the way she did it
She's so much more than you're used to
She know's just how to move to seduce you
She gone do the right thing and touch the right spot
Dance in you're lap till you're ready to pop

If that isn’t the number one strip club song of all time, then Chuck doesn’t know what is.  Well, if you’re a little more white trash in nature, by all means dig out Guns ’N’ Roses ‘Appetite for Destruction’ and throw on pretty much any track off that album.

Either way, that’s a total stinger to run across in the early stages of meeting a young lady. In fact, other than trusted concentration camp commander during Hitler’s reign or head strategist for Al Qaeda, there may not be many worse possible occupations for a potential love interest to have. On the bright side, at least she isn’t a prostitute!

The first question that Chuck needs to ask is where the fuck do you find friends that have strippers in their inner circle? Jesus, Chuck lived a sheltered upbringing!

Ok, Chuck’s calmed down a little.

Look, Chuck can understand your discomfort on a number of levels:

Level 1

The thought of other dudes looking at your girls pink bits is disconcerting. We all like to think that our lady was a virgin when they hooked up with us and the thought of any previous crank action brings shivers of discomfort. Once you’ve settled in with your girl, her past love life drifts off into the distant past. Unfortunately, if your woman is getting her bits and pieces out on a regular basis in this day and age, you are constantly reminded that she wasn’t a choir girl when you hooked up.

On top of that, you’d like to think that you’re the only one getting the goods. In reality, groups of randy fellas are checking out her package each and every weekend with the belief that if they pass around a hat and can fill it up with enough change; she may in fact get familiar with some items from the refrigerators crisper draw.

Lets face it you’re uncomfortable with any other guy checking out your missus – Chuck can appreciate that.

Level 2

Chuck can tell you that there would be a number of buck’s parties that would have been ridiculously boring and uneventful without the services of a professional entertainer who just happens to remove all of her clothing.
Unfortunately society doesn’t recognise stripping as an occupation of any high distinction. Chuck can only imagine the look on your face when you introduce your new love interest to your mother and after being asked how her day was, your date responds “it was fine until I got a nasty burn on my inner thigh because the girl before me didn’t re grease the pole”.
Mothers and society in general just don’t view stripping as a noble form of employment and Chuck’s guessing by your reaction that you don’t either.

Level 3

Since it appears that you have a preconception about stripping as a form of employment, Chuck’s going to assume that you now view your lady friend as a bit of a skank. That’s a little unfair since you don’t really know her too well and have no idea how she lives her life. Look at Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. She was a street level prostitute who easily made the transition into princess simply by having a few extra bucks to rub together and decking herself out in some nicer threads. You’re assuming your girl is a ho!

So what should you do?

You can’t tell her to give up since you don’t know her well enough and you aren’t about to bank roll her through uni are you? Imagine if she found out what you did for a crust and told you to jack it in because she didn’t think highly of it. You’d tell her to eat rocks.

If you really like her, you need to keep moving forward and try to get a solid read on her as a person. You said she isn’t working the pole full-time, she’s just paying her way through uni. It would be smart to check out what she’s studying because any course titled “Call Girl 101” is probably a sign that she’s in no hurry to give up the life. At the end of the day, we all need to makes ends meet and the last time Chuck checked, spinning around a pole in a G Banger wasn’t illegal – in fact Cirque du Soleil charges over 100 bucks a ticket and no mother would ever cast a frown if you introduced your girl as a performer from that troupe would they?

Chuck can appreciate that accepting her job is going to be tough to get your head around. You could start showing up to all of her shows so that at least you are seeing what every other bloke is seeing and you can make sure that the cucumbers in the fridge are of a moderate size so as not to blow her out down there. You could also stop for a second and figure out that her earning power is probably double yours. Once you’ve done that, you can tap all of your networks and get busy filling out her diary – she’s a gravy train!

In all seriousness D, you need to take a deep breath. This isn’t an easy predicament to be in. At the end of the day, this girl clearly has a tidy package and you obviously like her. She may even like you. So take things slow, appreciate her and her body and see how things play out, 3 dates is way too soon to get all high and mighty (Chuck’s assuming that you’re not a man of the cloth, but even if you are, remember that Mary Magdalene was a ho and Jesus let her slide).

On the upside of all of this, if you can work through your initial uncertainty and you do find a long-term future together, think how cheap your bachelor party is going to be – not having to pay for entertainment after all, surely she’d cut you mates rates!

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