Thursday, January 7, 2010

Dawn of the Over-Committing Commitment-Phobe

Hey kids, Pippi here. Pippi Blackstocking.

When I got the phone call about Madam going all Amy Winehouse on our arses, I thought the only thing to do would be to pitch in and help all her fans while she was laid up with Tiger.

So I found my clothes, headed home and put my thinking cap on.

After chatting with my lady friends over a couple of chardies at brunch, I found something juicy to chat to you all about. A type of man who has been polluting the dating scene since we all started walking upright - guys who commit too soon then do a rapid runner when they realise what they’ve done.

Lucky for me, the wonderful tool that is the interwebs already put a name to this breed of beast – the self startler (see here for more information ) .

Now, having been around the block in knee-high boots a few times, I’ve encountered such a man on more than one occasion. It’s early days in the relationship. You’re having a great time, few laughs, few drinks, bit of horizontal time and everything’s peachy. They seem keen, you’re happy and you just go about your business, all afterglow, pash rash and a phone full of dirty text messages that would make Warney blush.

Then they let the dirty “L” word slip in a moment of passion. Or they call you their “girlfriend” for the first time. And something in their mind bends. The colour goes from their face, their pupils shrink and the man who previously seemed to be content and cultivating the first stages of a mature relationship does an about face and runs a mile faster than Usain Bolt.

Now, as we drained our glasses, my brains trust and I came up with a few explanations for this.

In some cases, the dirty bugger probably just wanted a shag and once he got what he wanted, he was out the door.

In other cases, the poor guy might make pillow talk pledges then when morning comes, he realises he can’t live up to the engagement/ holiday/ impending boyfriend-dom that he suggested when doing the no pants dance the night before. An over-committing commitment-phobe, if you will, who shags, panics and leaves, sometimes never to be heard from again. And in his wake, he leaves a baffled lady wondering if it was her morning breath, cottage cheese thighs or panda eyes that was the final straw.

Having researched this extensively with my chick friends, lads, I can tell you a secret – if you have spent some time with a girl and there’s some chemistry but you aren’t up for a serious relationship, let her know you fancy her and hint you might like a shag. She might be gagging for it as much as you are and frankly, talking about marriage and love really early on is enough to make most women do a runner themselves. We’re not all the type who keep wedding dress mags under our beds. Keep a bit of mystery alive.

Or at least lay off on the emotional talk if you don’t mean it. The bottom line is that no one likes being lied to. Or abandoned and feeling like an idiot who read the signals wrong when it all goes bad.

If you do accidentally over-commit early, at least ‘fess up before you disappear. Chicks are a paranoid bunch and they will assume you didn’t like what they served up at the love buffet rather than realising you have just had a minor breakdown. Or are just a lying not-in-love love rat.

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