Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Happy New Year dear Reality Bytes readers! Welcome to a year that will change and empower your life all thanks to this blog. You may be wondering why Madame Boodwah has been absent over the past couple of months so today she’d like to share a part of her journey.
Yes towards the end of last year things were getting financially out of control for Madame Boodwah and Chuck plus Harry had to stage an intervention as they knew she could no longer live in denial about the reality of her shituation. Due to the GFC Madame Boodwah had been hit hard but couldn’t bear to face the truth about her finances to date.
Chuck picked up Madame Boodwah in a ‘new’ orange 1973 Datsun that putted up the road. At first Madame Boodwah didn’t know who it was until he stepped out of the car. Madame Boodwah dropped her handbag and dropped her jaw ‘Is our situation really that bad?’
‘Fuck no, just yours.’ Said Chuck throwing her a bottle of Xanax knowing that what she was about to be told would not be digested too well. Madame Boodwah downed 5 of the pills and Chuck gave her a flask of scotch to wash them down with. She instantly spat it out.
‘Yuck! What is that? That’s not Scotch!’ screeched Madame Boodwah
‘Yes it is. It’s called Jack Daniels. You have to cut costs.’ Explained Chuck. Chuck thought not to say much to her until the drugs had kicked in.
Arriving at the front of Harry’s office Chuck stopped the car the got out to open the passenger door.
‘I can’t do this’ said Madame Boodwah
‘Yes you can’ replied Chuck
‘No I can’t’ said Madame Boodwah
‘Just get out of the fucking car Boodwah’ said Chuck in frustration
‘NO!’ insisted Madame Boodwah
Chuck took a deep breath and reached into the car to drag her out throwing her over his shoulders to carry her all the way up to Harry’s office. Chuck knocked on Harry’s door to be greeted by a short bald head man in his mid 40s wearing a red bow tie and braces over his white fresh shirt that was tucked into his red tartan pants.
‘Hello come in. What took you so long?’ asked Harry
‘It’s been a bit of a struggle. Did you get the champagne I asked for?’ asked Chuck
‘Yes over there’ said Harry pointing to a bottle of Passion Pop.
Chuck threw Madame Boodwah onto the vinal chair and Harry poured her a glass of champagne. They could see the drugs were starting to kick in as Harry passed her the glass. Madame Boodwah spat it out.
‘Ah Harry. This tastes like geriatric piss! What is it?’
‘Passion pop dear. You have to cut back on your overheads.’ explained Harry
Chuck could see she was about to burst into tears so shoved some more Xanax down her throat.
‘Okay lets get down to business’ said Harry
Madame Boodwah’s started getting heart palpitations
‘Wait!’ she demanded as she reached into her handbag to pull out a bottle of Veuve. She popped the bottle leaving the cork to knock over a photo of Harry’s beloved mother who he still lived with…. yes he was part of the 1% that Reality Bytes could not help.
Madame Boodwah poured herself a glass then dissolved another Xanax into the champagne.
‘Okay so what’s happened to the yacht?’ insisted Madame Boodwah taking a big gulp of her champagne.
‘The house keeper?’
‘The convertible?’ The tears started to well up in Madame Boodwah’s eye Chuck passed her some tissues.
‘The country estate?’
Chuck passed her the whole bottle of champagne. Madame Boodwah bought her knees to her chest and began rocking back and forth in her chair in disbelief as to what was happening to her.
‘Everything is gone. Your jetsetting lifestyle has come to an end. The only money left will be used to put you into rehab because you’ve hit rock bottom and you need to regain your strength.’ Explained Harry who had been her accountant for 20 years.
‘I’m not going to rehab!’ said Madame Boodwah standing up immediately as the room began to spin before she blacked out.
Madame Boodwah woke up to the blur of 3 men standing over her bed. When her vision began to sharpen she realised it was the doctor, Chuck and Harry.
‘Where am I?’ asked Madame Boodwah
‘Celebrity Rehab. You passed out.’ said Chuck
‘Oh’ said Madame Boodwah confused.
‘Did you know Tiger Woods is in here too? There’s a bit of inspiration for your next post’ said Chuck.
Madame Boodwah ever so slightly nodded her head as she gazed out the window.
‘Okay well I better head home. I’m cooking tonight for the girls at Mrs Long’s book club.’ Said Chuck
Madame Boodwah continued to stare out the window feeling desolate and alone.
Stay tune to see what happens to Madame Boodwah and if she gets to meet Tiger!