Thursday, August 27, 2009

So I married a Gold Amex.

This one is not so much a question but a challenge – I don’t think you could possibly find a worse dating story. But this did happen to my best friend, let’s call her Belle.

Belle, as she headed towards her 30s, was getting a bit of pressure from the olds to discard her 20-something “gentile” flings and find herself a good Jewish boy. Starting to run out of options, she hit J-Date, and cycled through a few doctors, dentists, lawyers who had the prereq’s and the Amex gold cards that meant they would pass muster with papa and the crew at temple. One of these dates was reportedly earning high six-figures and perhaps this was a little blinding to my friend Belle, who put aside an irksome, niggling feeling that something wasn’t quite right about this guy.

So, after their first date, she suggested they catch up again and she forced herself through an awkward yet expensive dinner, then another and another. Things didn’t entirely click with him – in fact he was just plain peculiar – but Belle’s 30th birthday was looming and her parents were tightening the thumbscrews, so Belle wondered if, despite their lack of chemistry, she should just swallow her niggling doubts about this guy and get on with the job. She could hear the sounds of a wine glass being smashed underfoot and shouts of Mazel Tov – and that gold Amex being handed over.

In the end, she didn’t have to decide, because she was offered a job in London with her firm and was transferred over there. The Jewish dating pool there was a lot bigger, which was a big relief to her, and she put memories of all those awkward J-Dates behind her. Until one of her friends back in Sydney sent her an email... She opened it and there was a newspaper story from the Sydney Morning Herald, with a photo of her former date, and the headline, “Jewish man charged with paedophilia”.

Now, we’ve all had our dating blinkers at some time or other – sometimes frustration can lead a girl to do some seriously silly things – but nothing could beat this one. Chuck and Madame Boudwah, I don’t know what you’d say about this story, but I imagine it’s a little reminder to all of us gals to listen to our inner dating guardian angel when she’s screaming at you that something is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!

This was certainly the final nail in Belle’s dating coffin. Shaken and mortified, she took herself off London’s Jewish dating website and her only couch companions these days are a packet of Tim Tams from the local Aussie supermarket.

Yours, the dating angel.

Madame Boodwah

Dear Dating Angel,

Today you have thrown us back into deep dark depths of the dating inferno. Ladies let this be a lesson to you all. No matter how much mama and papa are putting pressure on you to get down the aisle always go on a date with your self worth in check and a healthy idea on what you deserve. His Gold Amex will never make up for the fact that he is the reincarnation of Satan himself.

I’m sure your Aunt Megabitch’s commentary on why you’re still single like ‘you’re too fussy’ or ‘you’ve put on weight‘ has lead you to suppress your intuition and lower your standards even though her husband has been “working late” with his secretary for the past 20 years. However the truth is you probably haven’t been ruthless enough.

Understandably when something is not quite right with a date being a kiddie fiddler or an axe murderer is last thing we’d think of but as soon as that inner voice is louder than you and you don’t walk away feeling good from that date you need to trust your dating guardian angel and axe him.

Always go on date having faith that there are great available men on this planet of 6.7 billion knowing that just incase you get served a pile of shit your dating life doesn’t end there. Also have faith that it will happen when the time is right for you - Not mama, not papa and certainly not Aunt Megabitch.

Thank you for sharing dear dating guardian angel I hope our lovely readers will listen to you in the future.


  1. CL and MB I need some advice....a friend aka Pinky has been seeing a young chap for approximately 8 months and things have been moving along quite smoothly, however a couple of incidences have occured which i think are out of line and if I were in the same position I would be getting the hell outta that relationship. Basically I would like to know as a friend should I tell Pinky that I think she is crazy to continue this relationship or do I let her make her own choices and not provide any input, even though she feels the need to tell me every little detail of the happenings of the relationship. Just to give you a taste...Pinky and Chap go to a party, there is an abundance of alcohol to be drunk and the two are not joint at the hip rather they are mingling with other partygoers. Pinky needs a toilet run and as she is leaving said toilet sees into another room and chap is dancing with another lady and holding hands whilst doing so. Pinky is angered but just walks away to get herself another shot. Some time passes and Pinky then moves into another room and there is Chap holding other lady's hand and talking. Pinky's blood is now boiling but she refrains from approaching Chap and making a scene, instead she decides to give him the cold shoulder until the following day, when he asks what is wrong. During this discussion, Chap proceeds to tell Pinky that he had a ''connection'' with this lady but reassures her that Pinky is the one for him.
    I dont know about you CL and MB but this seems a little out of order to me, If I was to see the love of my life behaving in such a manner he would no longer be the love of my life. The question i put to you is do you tell your friend she is a fool to continue with such a chump or is this behaviour normal and as long as he can talk the talk and tell her everything is ok should I let it go and not let her know what i think. I just dont want to see a good friend get hurt......

  2. That chap needs to be shown the red card. Immediately. But unfortunately, it's your friends job to do it and not yours. You try telling her something she doesn't want to hear, and she will not thank you for it....I've tried this once before and nearly lost a friend over it. You'll have to trust that your friend will see sense and just be there for her when it all comes crashing down.

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