Monday, August 17, 2009

Dante's Dating Inferno (the 5 part series)

Chuck Long generally enjoys checking the Reality Bytes inbox every morning because it is a chance to lend a hand. The sense of satisfaction that Chuck gets from evaluating another persons situation and offering practical advice is immeasurable. Well, what Chuck Long found late last week rocked him to the core. In fact, it was such a bewildering dating situation that Chuck immediately had to call Madame Boodwah (never-mind that it was 6.30am) to get her take. In order to tackle the following situation properly, the email has been broken into a 5 part series with both Chuck and MB giving it their all to make sense of it.

Strap yourself in as we plunge into the depths of dating hell.....

(Monday Part 1)

Dear Chuck and Madame Boodwah

So I joined the crowds and decided to get myself on RSVP, and manage to strike up an email conversation with a guy who think is reasonably cute and fun. After a couple of exchanges, I agree to a date. We keep plans pretty lose because my finishing time is always shifting, and he works out of Sydney and traffic can be a nightmare. Fair enough. Anyway, as I don't have a car, he agrees to pick me up from work.

As I walk out of work, I notice a bright blue hotted up WRX. It's the kind of car I always wanted - when I was 18. But, hey, you don't judge a guy by his car right? (Ok - perhaps this should have been a warning sign). I hop in, and then he asks what I feel like doing or where I want to go. I'm very casual when it comes to these things, so I say I really don't mind. He nods and then suggests Balmain, only to ask five minutes later if we can swing by his place first so he can change, as he has come straight from work. Again - I don't mind - so we do, and then after that we hop back in the car, and he suggests rather than brave the traffic we go somewhere local.

Chuck Long: Look, Chuck doesn't want to come across as a curmudgeon, but what ever happened to the days when a first date was actually a big deal that involved some preparation, forward thinking, contingency plans, escape clauses and effort?

Chuck is happy to look past the hotted up WRX - although you are right, it is probably a warning sign that this guy (Chuck's assuming he has ticked over into his 30's) is living the dream (see future Chuck Long Educational Series for Woman for a comprehensive overview of Living the Dream).

What irks Chuck in all of this is the total lack of a game plan. You get one chance to make a first impression and this guys first statement to you is “i spent no time what-so-ever thinking about what I might do to impress you”. To top it all off, he needed to get changed. Once again zero preparation. Unless this guy works in an abattoir, surely he could have spruced up his Friday work outfit or better yet perhaps freshened up after work. Are you telling me you didn't get in front of a mirror before he showed up?

The only way this move works is if he lived in some beach side studdery that would have suggested immense wealth, taste and awesome summer parties (or loaded parents)

All in all, signs are not boding well and we're only 30 minutes into this date. As Roger Maris (famed baseball player) so eloquently put it:

“You hit home runs not by chance but by preparation”.

Madame Boodwah your thoughts?

Dear Dante

This guy is about as inspiring as watching paint dry. There are a lot of the key phrases through out this email that scream run the hell away.

Hotted up Blue WRX – I have man issues. I need a car like this to prove how tough I am to compensate for my missing scrotum.

Need to get changed – I’m creating a false sense of familiarity so you’ll feel more comfortable about coming back to my place for when I try it on later.

Lets stay local – so I can get you drunk and it’ll be easier to get you back to my house leaving you little time to decide if you want to back out.

Balmain – Although a lovely suburb with great restaurants and shops there are places/pubs there that attract people on the cusp of desperation. It’ll be interesting to see where he took you.

Note to men: If you’re taking us out make a decision about where we are going before we meet up. We like it when you put in effort. Your car will not make up for your laziness.

Madame Boodwah

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