Thursday, November 5, 2009

I’m totally dogging you right now

Recently Chuck was at the gym completing another one of his gruelling workouts, ensuring that muscle density and raw sex appeal remained at optimal levels. In the midst of a bench-press set, Chuck suddenly felt as if he was being watched. Now it’s not uncommon for crowds to gather around Chuck as he puts on another one of his gun shows. In fact, Chuck started dressing more conservatively at the gym, doing away with cut off shirts in order to control the crowd flow past his workout station. Chuck took a moment to consider why someone may be looking at him – it’s not often you see a man-child comfortably bench press 150kgs after all and decided to complete his session.

As Chuck was being a conscientious weight lifter and cleaning down his bench- removing all traces of sweat, a somewhat agitated young man tentatively approached. Chuck suspected that the bloke had seen the iron display that Chuck had put on and either wanted some tips or a mentor. Neither request was uncommon.

The young man extended his hand and mumbled that his name was Vince. Vince was an average looking bloke with a tanned complexion, an ugly tattoo and a puka shell necklace. Chuck sensed that Vince was either nervous or shy so decided to only provide an 8 out of 10 on the pounds of pressure per square inch handshake-o-metre so as not to completely emasculate the dude. 

Vince took a deep breath and said, “my girlfriend and I noticed you working out”

“Oh yeah, how was my technique?” asked Chuck trying to settle Vince’s nerves.

“Umm, err, umm, yeah, it was really good, it looks like you know what you’re doing in here” stammered Vince like he had been right crossed by the question

“Thanks” said Chuck “so what brings you over here anyway Vince? Chuck continued.

“Ah, yeah, um my girlfriend and I saw you working out” Vince repeated

“Yes, you said that already,” responded Chuck

“Yeah I did, sorry” stumbled Vince

“Where’s your girlfriend” asked Chuck looking Vince directly in his eyeballs

“Over there” pointed Vince

Chuck looked over his shoulder and noticed the reasonably tidy package on Vince’s girlfriend. She waved awkwardly.

“So what can I do for you Vince?” asked Chuck

“Well we were wondering if you would be interested in doing a spot of dogging with me and my girlfriend?” offered Vince.

Chuck scrunched his brow as he processed the request. There had been many strange requests or questions in Chuck’s time, but some random dude and his chick asking him to help with some digging was perhaps the weirdest.

The 5 seconds of silence were obviously too much for Vince to bare and he stammered again “it’s totally no big deal if you don’t want to, we just saw you working out and thought it would be awesome if you could help us with some dogging”.

Chuck rubbed his hands together, then scratched his head and said “sure thing, Chuck’s always keen to help his fellow man.”

Vince excitedly reached into his gym short pocket and pulled out an obviously pre prepared sheet of paper with an address and phone number scribbled on it. He thrust it at Chuck.

Chuck took the paper and not recognising the address asked “When?”

“Oh, um Saturday” said Vince as he started to turn away and head off towards his girlfriend with a broad smile on his face.

“What time works for you guys” asked Chuck

“Around 6.30 would be awesome,” shouted Vince as he grabbed his girlfriends arm and began to exit

“Hey Vince, just out of interest, what part of New Zealand are you from?” enquired Chuck to no avail as Vince was now out of earshot.

Chuck groaned at the thought of heading out to Vince’s place at 6.30am, it would mean that he would have to cut short his Saturday morning workout and Chuck was loathe to short change his exercise program. Since Chuck had committed before finding out the time, the workout would just have to be completed by 6am.

Being the diligent fellow that Chuck is, Chuck sent Vince a text message on Friday evening to confirm the start time for Saturday.

Within seconds Vince responded with the following text:

Sorry change of plans.
Can u make it 7.30 as
I have sum drinks that
don’t finish until 7

Chuck stared at his phone wondering who the fuck sets about digging at 7.30 at night? Either he was about to be involved in a bank heist, assist in digging a grave or New Zealanders enjoy moving soil under the light of the moon.

Chuck was pleased to polish off his regular work out on Saturday morning and went about his usual business. Later that day as Chuck was pulling on his work boots and moisturising his hands (to ensure that he didn’t get blisters), he was beset by a strange feeling……

Tune in Monday for Part 2 

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