Thursday, December 3, 2009

The After Glow Effect

Dear Madame Boodwah

I did something naughty although maybe technically it isn’t so bad.

You see last night I went on a bender concluding with me having a one night stand which was surprisingly exhilarating. There was only one problem - I had a date the next day. After kicking my conquest out in the early hours and catching some zee’s I headed out to meet my date.

Upon arriving at the date I must admit I felt pretty relaxed and in all honesty quite confident, more so than what I normally would. He on the other hand was a jibbering mess and was overtly keen.

Madame Boodwah am I on to something? Does it pay to get one in with someone else before a first date to appear less desperate?

Sincerely disgraceful,
Won Inn

Dearest Won Inn,

A woman walks into an office looking fabulous. Her skin is glowing, she has a smile from ear to ear and she has a skip in her step like nothing could ruin her day and you notice that all the men in the office are paying her more attention than usual. Has she;

a) Just stepped out of a salon
b) Got a big pay rise
c) Been performing naked acrobatics that put the Cirque de Soleil to shame the night before breaking a year long penis drought and is now suffering from what is know as the After Glow Effect.

Chances are c). To go into more detail about The After Glow Effect it's the extreme radiance exuberated from an all night shag fest after at least a 2 month penis drought that can make you more attractive to the rougher sex although they have no idea why you look this way. Similar to the Butterfly Effect where a butterfly that flaps its wings in Mexico creates a tornado in Texas except in this instance you’re swapping butterfly’s for penises hence creating The After Glow Effect.

But what are these men thinking? Do they know what she has been up to? Or because she’s been dousing herself with her male counterparts pheromones all night do they unconsciously sense she is taken hence wanting what they can’t have?

After a conference call from the RB Beach House to my esteemed college Chuck at HQ I discovered he believed it would be very rare that a man would notice why you looked this way. They would notice how confident and attractive you looked but they wouldn’t question why.

One of the RB correspondents believes that when you’re single, a woman should have a least 2 casual sex partners while trying to find a serious partner. This way when you go on a date with a potential ‘serious’ partner you’ll appear less desperate and a lot happier from your regular dose of endorphins.

However Madame Boodwah suggests you just take up running but if running isn’t your thing maybe give this idea a crack and let me know how you go. After all Madame Boodwah has the philosophy that when you are in a good mindset and space that’s when you will attract the right person into your life.

During a hot dry summer a couple of years back the Russian Diplomat had flown into Singapore to see Madame Boodwah before she flew to Europe for an Austrian Christmas with her family. As you all know at this stage the Russian Diplomat was a bit overweight and living was in a 3rd world country but every time Madame Boodwah saw him a standard had dropped.
This time the standard that had dropped was deodorant. Madame Boodwah was ecstatic to see him as it had been 3 months and upon his arrival noticed a certain extra manly smell that wafted from his armpits but her urge to wrestle him between her thighs over took.

After the Russian Diplomat gave her multiple Christmas presents plus a diamond bracelet they decided to have a shower together before going out for breakfast. In the shower Madame Boodwah gave him a good scrubbing down and told him her favourite part of him was his the part of his chest that was between his neck and man boobs. The Russian Diplomat was flattered as at this stage wasn’t finding himself very attractive which was previously discussed in Is Big Beautiful?

When hopping out of the shower and drying down Madame Boodwah asked if he’d like some deodorant. The Russian Diplomat looked at Madame Boodwah and said ‘I don’t really wear deodorant.' Madame Boodwah’s response was a 5 second silence while processing how she was going to handle this situation delicately although it came out more blunt than expected.

‘Well sweetheart to me you smell manly and sexy but to others well you’re a little pungent.’

The Russian Diplomat’s face dropped as if his world had come to a fast halt that eventuated into a ‘did you just really say that’ look as Madame Boodwah handed him the deodorant. He took it off me still holding that ‘you’re the Wicked Witch of the West look’ as he steadily lifted his right arm to spray his arm pit then switched hands to spray the other armpit while still holding my gaze.

‘In India people don’t where deodorant.’ Said the Russian Diplomat

‘Well of course they don’t, they can’t afford it but you can!’ Exclaimed Madame Boodwah

The Russian Diplomat soon realised he didn’t really have an excuse for bad hygiene.

That afternoon Madame Boodwah hopped on the plane bound for Austria. Once arriving at her destination and stepping off the plane she couldn’t help but notice all the men giving her the eye and a cheeky smile. Madame Boodwah lightly patted her auburn sweeping fringe to check she didn’t have ‘Something About Mary’ hair but no it was fine. It wasn’t until she glided through the airport to pick up her luggage that the stares became almost Neanderthal. Then it clicked and Madame Boodwah realised was suffering from the After Glow Effect and it was extra potent because her lover wasn’t wearing deodorant.

Madame Boodwah averages about 5 dates a week but when she is ovulating or after she has spent a couple of weeks in an exotic location it jumps to 10 but during that Christmas break it jumped to 20. It was the Christmas where my personal assistant also demanded a second assistant as my diary had become the work of 2.

So does it pay to get one in before a date? Possibly but even if your date ran one through the knuckles before meeting you that could even of helped him.

Ladies what are your experiences of the After Glow Effect? Did you notice men paying you more attention than usual? Men have you have noticed when a woman was suffering from the After Glow Effect?

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