Sunday, December 6, 2009

Bat Wing

Dear Chuck,

I’ve only ever dated circumcised guys.. until now, and I’m a little bit freaked out. We were getting hot and heavy when I slipped my hand down his pants and discovered all that extra skin, I actually ended up making an excuse and going home early because I wasn’t sure how to take it. Would sex be any different? Should I give him a chance?


Dear Deb,

Funny you should email in this story. Just last night, Chuck was walking through the city with an overseas visitor who was amazed by the bats flapping through the dusk sky. He was so intrigued that he camped under a tree in the hope that a dopey bat may fall out and he could get a closer look. Once Chuck explained that he couldn’t catch rabies, he was desperate to see one. At one point he turned to Chuck and asked, “what does a bats wing feel like?”

Fortunately for Chuck’s foreign friend, chiropterology (the study of bats) is one of Chuck’s favourite pastimes. Chuck encouraged the tourist to whip out his todger and give his foreskin a bit of a stretch – there would be his answer. Unfortunately, for all those standing there eagerly waiting for a stretched skin display, he announced that he didn’t have any.

So what does this have to do with your situation? Well nothing really, but how often do you get a chance to talk about bats and foreskin in the same story when you’re not writing a novel in the Twilight series? Actually, you can probably take something away from it – that the spread of blokes with and without foreskin is unpredictable.

Estimates suggest that anywhere from 1/6 to 1/3 of the world male population has had their meat crisper removed. With statistical vagaries like that, it’s no wonder your experiences have been widely skewed in one direction. Now if you have a preference for Muslim men, then you’re situation is a little easier explained since nearly 70% of Muslims are helmetless. The Jews always religiously whip the excess skin off. South Koreans also love chopping the end off their skin flute so if you decide that you cannot deal with a little extra skin cling wrap then start hanging out at Korean BBQ restaurants.

As for any concerns you may have about the presence of foreskin, about the only thing you need to worry about is the transfer of HIV. HOLD UP!! Chuck hears you scream. It’s not that bad. Basically the transfer of HIV can be increased if the carrier has not been circumcised. This has lead to millions of Africans having their knobs shaved:

If you practice safe sex, the dick helmet being there is totally inconsequential.

In terms of sexual performance, only anecdotal evidence exists that a circumcised penis is less sensitive than a non-circumcised penis. Chuck would be more than happy to line up a hundred blokes of varying cock sheathing and gently tickle their knobs in order to test responsiveness but he is a little busy leading up towards Christmas – perhaps next year? The biggest issue that medical people have is that the foreskin contains the most sensitive parts of the schlong so chopping it off pretty much puts your cock at a disadvantage…especially when boning ugly women.

Circumcision has been shown to reduce the incidence of balanoposthitis, which is an inflammation of the glans penis (knob) and prepuce (foreskin). Urinary tract infections and cancer of the wanger are also less in circumcised males. Chuck is no doctor but is prepared to say that if you take the time to give your purple bell a good clean, you too can live a longer and happier life.

So Deb, where does this leave you? Look, if you’ve always been one to eat a certain type of bread and then all of a sudden you’re presented with something new, then yes, there will be a period of adjustment. It wont look, feel, smell or taste the same, we know that right off the bat. But what Chuck would encourage you to do is take a big old-fashioned mouthful, work it over and swallow it down. Everyone needs to expand his or her horizons and try something new from time to time. Who knows, this may turn out to be the greatest bread you’ve ever hand and you’ll never go back – it gives new meaning to the expression ‘the best thing since sliced bread’ huh?

You need to get to know your new knob. Chuck’s hoping you didn’t see the hooded snake and run for the hills – it’s venom’s not deadly after all. If you were able to stifle your discomfort and not let your man see that you’re disgusted by his crank shaft (or as Madame Boodwah says “I just wasn’t attracted to his penis”) then you can take your time to build a relationship with this strange and new beast.

About the worst thing for you is the upkeep and smell of it. If your man is not a big fan of showering twice per day, then the stench on that thing can get to be a little overpowering. Think about it this way – imagine leaving a steak in the summer sun wrapped in a piece of aluminum foil. Well that’s a dick with foreskin, except his meat is getting broiled in his underwear – crotch pot cooking as Robin Williams referred to it in ‘Good Morning Vietnam’. If he has a vile smelling knob, is he the sort of bloke you want to be with anyway?

To combat this issue you could take a sexy shower where you gently and seductively clean the bad boy down and learn the secrets of hooded one eyed trouser snakes. Or you could just tell him to give that thing a good scrub if he wants to stick it inside you any time soon. Either way, it’s not a massive issue to combat.

Foreskin or no foreskin, if the guy knows what he’s doing he should be able to make you oooh when you’re supposed to oooh and aaah when you’re supposed to aaah. You are obviously stepping into the unknown, but remember – change is as good as a holiday.

Now, it would be remiss of Chuck to not leave you with one final warning. What you want to stay on the look out for is phimosis. This is a condition where the male foreskin cannot be fully retracted from the head of the penis. It only occurs in about 1% of males and the only real reason Chuck mentions it is because everyone’s pal – Josef Fritzel was said to suffer from it when he was a child….and we know how he turned out. Chuck encourages you to stay on the look out!


  1. Who Is The Better Lover: Circumcised Or Intact Men?

    Here?s a brand new study on circumcision that got my attention right away. The subject is the effect of male circumcision on women?s sexual enjoyment. This article comes to us from the BJU International,a British urological publication.

    This is the first study to look at what women said in comparing sexual experiences with sexual partners who were circumcised versus intact sexual partners.

    Researchers recruited women through magazine ads and an anti-circumcision publication and sent the women respondents 40 written survey questions.

    The 139 women respondents were overwhelming in favor of sex with intact partners.

    With circumcised partners, women were less likely to have a vaginal orgasm or multiple orgasms and were more likely to experience sexual discomfort, the report says. "During prolonged intercourse with their circumcised partners, women were less likely to ?really get into it? and more likely to ?want to get it over with,?" the authors, Drs. K. O?Hara and J. O?Hara, report.

    The authors continue, "respondents overwhelmingly concurred that the mechanics of coitus were different for the two groups...73 percent [of the women] reported that circumcised men tended to thrust harder and deeper, using elongated strokes, while unaltered men thrust more gently, to have shorter thrusts and tended to be in contact with the mons pubis and the clitoris more."

    Remember these are statistics and they are not true for every individual.

    "While some of the respondents commented that they thought the differences were in the men, not the type of penis, the consistency with which women felt more intimate with their unaltered partners is striking," the authors state. "Why the presence of a foreskin enhances intimacy needs further exploration."

    Many societies have seen genital mutilation as a way to try to control sexuality. Female genital mutilation in Africa is still used to decrease women?s desire today, while in the 1800s society thought circumcision in men would curb men?s desire to masturbate.

    Back in the 12th century, Moses Maimonides, a rabbi, said circumcision could control men?s desires for sex. He also said women were less likely to leave an intact man once they had had sex with him, which is consistent with what these 20th century researchers found.

    The study's authors conclude that "the anatomically complete penis offers a more rewarding experience during coitus," and that, "...the negative effect of circumcision on the sexual enjoyment of the female needs to be part of any discussions providing ?informed consent? before circumcision."

    The point that I am trying to make is that circumcision is painful, unnecessary, and, now, we can see from this evidence, less likely to promote a good sex life and a long and happy marriage. Why don?t we stop this practice?

    This article can be accessed directly at:

  2. Chuck I would just like to say that once the long prong is throbbing and ready for action the foreskin rolls on back and you can't tell the difference whether it is hooded or not.

    Secondly if someone suffers from poor personal hygiene then their cock is going to smell hooded or not.

    I would also suggest that Deb starts with the reach around so that it can get all fired up before she has to set her eyes on it.

  3. I've had both. And can I just say, it's all in the man. Currently, I'm having the best orgasms of my entire life, and my man is well hooded.

  4. Since you write the most sensitive part of the penis is amputated in a circumcision it is clear logic the cut penis is altered in a negative way. Sorry, but removing part of the penis makes for less penis, not just skin, but nerves, blood vessels and the feeling that is lost with it.
    As a female, I can speak from personal experience. I've always taken a long time to orgasm with cut partners. One day I had an orgasm after 5 minutes with a new partner, and couldn't figure out why. The quick orgasm repeated itself every time I had sex with him. I didn't know until 2 weeks later that he was indeed UNCUT!!! That made the whole difference. Although I can't help who I fall in love with, my preference will always be intact.