Sorry Smiths fans, this post isn’t going to be a paean to the original kings of emo depression rock. Chuck actually has a serious topic to tackle:
How can I stop feeling like I am merely a piece of meat to be consumed and discarded by men.
I dress conservatively, do not go clubbing, nor do I sleep around, yet I am "meat".
Or is that what women are to men, regardless?
Respectfully, Fellie Minyon.
In the self-help classes that Chuck facilitates, one of the first actions Chuck has the class perform is to move around the room and look each class member directly in the eye. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul so this exercise allows class members to go door-to-door and check out among other things how a person perceives him or herself (and as a side benefit - early warning signs of eye disorders such as cataracts). So many people have relationship problems because they have self-perception problems.
Having a room full of people understand what some of your issues are will eventually help you get through the problem yourself. These people can be your brothers or sisters in arms and help you through. The process of eyeballing a person and getting a read on them is incredibly important (which is why the Dog Whisperer – Cesar Millan is always staring mutts down).
The reason Chuck is telling you this Fellie is that without the benefit of checking out the back of your retinas, Chuck can’t really get an accurate gauge on you, however having said that, Chuck is going to fall back on his years of experience and expertise and suggest that you may have an issue around how you think of yourself.
The telltale sign for Chuck was the line “yet I am meat”.
You can dress a pig up and teach it to act in a certain way, but if deep down it still thinks of itself as swine, it’s going to get porked!
Now before you get uppity, Chuck is not calling you a pig so relax.
It sounds like you’re taking some basic steps to avoid ending up with blokes who’ll merely chop you up and move onto their next conquest. Dressing conservatively, avoiding clubs and not tossing your pussy around are definitely ways to avoid being used and abused. However, Chuck knows plenty of women who dress like hookers, spend all their times at bars and clubs and sling their poontang around like it’s going out of fashion who’d tell you that they don’t get treated like meat. A lot of guys have fantasies about poking a librarian Chuck hopes you realise.
So what’s the problem?
It sounds like the blokes you are letting into your inner sanctum are the wrong type. If you continually feel like flesh, it probably means that you’re going after or attracting the sort of guy who is only interested in boning you. You say that you’re taking steps that should reduce the sleazeball attraction factor, but without some background on where you’re meeting these dudes Chuck cant comment for sure.
The best way to find decent blokes is through a referral network. At least in this way you can get a scouting report on a guy before you receive the hot beef injection. If you can hook up with guys who have been referred through friends then the likelihood of being churned and burned is reduced because if they are decent friends they’ll want to avoid setting you up with a scum bag. The problem you have is that your friends may be sluts and therefore pushing your flange on to any bloke they know. If your friends are in fact dirty ho bags then do not use this method of meeting guys.
While most people suggest not shitting in your own nest – that is, not dating co workers, Chuck doesn’t have a problem with it as long as you do it in measured does. You obviously don’t want to take a run at every guy in the office but if you’re strategic you can observe and pick up office vibes on blokes to determine whether or not they are an option as a romantic partner.
Finally, another surefire way to meet a guy who isn’t a meat grinder is to join a religion. If you can find a bloke who turns up to church on a semi regular basis, you can be fairly sure that he isn’t the type to poke and run (of course unless he is a priest). The down side to that is that they’re also unlikely to want to bone you. Don’t fret though; most guys can be broken since the power of the penis will normally override the power of God. Either that or they’ll propose early in the piece on order to get some action.
The other key piece of advice – change your self-perception. Find a mirror and take a good hard look at yourself. You need to view yourself as an asset and make sure that you are treated accordingly. Its not easy to suddenly change yourself from the used into the user but you need to understand that you will be taken advantage of if you allow yourself to be. A lack of self-confidence often leads people to giving up the coochie early in the relationship because they feel they’ll lose the other person if they don’t. But that’s not always the case. Take a look at the stock market, as supply decreases, demand increases. In your next go around with a bloke, don’t give it up so early and see how the guy reacts. No guy who is only interested in pussy is going to do the gary groundwork for a month to get it (unless you are a freaking supermodel – but in that case, most blokes would want to hang onto it).
The only time the “decrease supply / increase demand” analogy thing doesn’t work is if you’re a real bitch in which case most dudes would boot you to the curb. Not worth the hassle.
Not all men treat women like meat – just most. No that’s not true, some blokes treat women like meat because they are wired that way (and often work for the Taliban). Other blokes treat women like meat because they’re going through a phase (just got dumped) or are young. And men will treat women like meat if they are allowed to. In reality, the vast majority of men are looking for a partner. So what Chuck is trying to say is that there are decent blokes out there who’ll treat you well no matter what you wear or where you hang out. You have to determine if you’re prepared to be treated well and then you need to find one of these blokes – that’s the tough part!