Thursday, June 24, 2010

The Art of Husbandry

You know, its not easy being a successful husband. Chuck pretty much has it down pat it must be said but everyday there are challenges that get tossed at you that if you’re not mentally prepared can just eat you alive. A lot of dudes out there will be nodding their head and thinking about the time they got balled out for not putting down the toilet seat or leaving dirty dishes in the sink. You can nod all you like fellas but that shit is kindergarten. That’s the sort of stuff you figure out when you first move in with a woman and you’re seeing if you can make it work (which is always tough because you’re often blinded by the in-house pussy that you now have). Sharing a roof with fresh VJay has scrambled the thought processes of many a man.

No Chuck is talking about the higher level sensory and emotional challenges that pop up from time to time in a marriage that can trip you up if you’re not highly attuned to your partner and adept at managing. Don’t get Chuck wrong on this one though, it’s most definitely not a tenure thing. Just because you’ve been with someone for a lengthy period of time does not mean that you can handle all obstacles on the course of life. Jesus, Chuck has witnessed many people who’ve racked up a number of years together who are so out of tune that they have no idea that an issue has appeared until its belting them over the head with a hand bag.

Its probably a bit unfair talking like this since not everyone is a distinguished husband like Chuck but it’s definitely worth putting the subject on the burner in the hope that it lends a hand to those less switched on.

This post isn’t about being an awesome husband, but it is about having the ability to read a person and have an idea of what may or may not get a negative response when something is said or done. A lot of the times, these things are commonsensical but of late, Chuck has born witness to a few examples that have beggared belief.

Anyway, the basis for today’s post arises from a simple request from Mrs Long that if handled poorly could have lead to disaster. Instead, Chuck fell back on his instincts and rolled with the punch.

The request?

“Chuck, I’d like to attend breast feeding class”

At that, Chuck looked up from his novel and said “ummmhmm, that’s probably a smart move”

Now Chuck must state on the record that despite being heavily pregnant, Mrs Long has not been an emotional train wreck prone to over reaction*. In fact other than one or two occasions where fatigue had set in, Mrs Long has been a joy to be around for the duration of the pregnancy**.  She has been upbeat, incredibly productive and inspirational***.

*It’s probably important to stop this post right here to point out that Chuck’s last sentence was a great example of how he has risen to the upper echelons of husbands. 

**That was another example

***A third example just in case anyone was grasping some of the basics.

Thinking that he had finished being an all round wonderful husband, Chuck returned to his novel.

“It says on the website that partners are encouraged to attend. That breastfeeding can be difficult” Mrs Long continued.

Chuck’s first thought was to say “Well Chuck doesn’t have any problem sucking on a titty so he doesn’t need any assistance” but thought better of it. Now obviously most blokes wouldn’t want to go to a breastfeeding class. Baby classes were a different kettle of fish since the bloke needs to be a true wingman to help his partner through the process, but what role is the dad going to play in getting the kid to suck on a boob?

It is at this point that a lesser man may have gotten himself in trouble with a glib remark or a flat out refusal to attend. Chuck is no mere man. Putting the novel down, Chuck looked lovingly at Mrs Long and agreed that it would be a great idea to share in these classes if only for support.

Mrs Long smiled sweetly and began to walk away. She then stopped suddenly, turned to face Chuck and offered yet another sweet smile. Chuck must admit that he thought Mrs Long was about to profess true love. Instead she said, “you’re only coming to check out the titties aren’t you?”



  1. seeking upper echelon****June 25, 2010 at 7:09 AM

    **** you wouldn't happen to have a like minded, humorous, single brother, would you Chuck?

  2. Ha, no he doesn't, but if you are interested in the anti-Chuck I am sure it could be arranged.