Friday, May 21, 2010

Learning to be the man you always wanted to be

When Chuck said he was cracking into the vault and providing a couple of key tips that feature in Chuck’s Mentoring Program (CMP) for young men between the ages 17 & 27, you didn’t think Chuck would just toss out 4 or 5 principles to live by and be done did you? The demand to gain access to this privileged training program is incredibly high and only increased when Chuck shared key learning’s in the last post. Following on from that post, allow Chuck to peel back the covers and give you an insight on what it is like to be mentored into manhood by Chuck Long.


This can often be a contentious issue for both young and old men. Young men often feel uncomfortable when the first enter the CMP because they had used alcohol as a social and panty loosener. Being young and less experienced, the use of alcohol to make the situation easier can often become a crux. For older men out, the problem arises when they try and chase young beef and no longer have the looks or ridiculous cash resources to naturally attract girls. Plus buying the drinks allows them to slip in the Rohypnol.

There are obvious exceptions to the rule. An example being the times that you take a woman out on a date that features dinner. As a man you should buy the wine – it’s the gentlemanly thing to do, especially on the first date. If this leads to you getting some action then fair play to you. In this instance, what you need to avoid is pouring 3 aperitifs, an extra bottle of plonk and a cognac down her gullet at dinner, since she’ll end up a sloppy drunk at the table and will likely vomit in the ice bucket. If she can consume all of that and is still coherent, well then you may have just met the world’s greatest female drinker or an alcoholic.

What Chuck is really referring to under this principle if those guys who stand at the bar and shell out a hundred bucks pumping drinks into a woman in the hope that it’ll buy him good fortune. For starters, most women have wizened up and will actually take your drinks all night and then leave you with the bill (and if they’re really cagey, they’ll have you buying for a friend under the guise of a potential three way). If you do manage to pull it off, you’ll live with the stigma that you payed for the experience – you may as well have visited a hooker (plus a prostitute is more likely to dress up as a priest for you). In some instances, the woman you poured drinks into all night and you actually end up dating. Guess what happens to you? You become horribly pussy whipped and live your life as a door mat.


Between the ages of 17 and 27, men have the metabolism of a nuclear reactor which is why those that are moderately active can consume hamburgers and coke like air and still fall out of bed looking like they have 4% body fat. The young tubs of lard you see barrelling around the place are typically the ones who list their sport of choice as Wii. While you’re young and your body turns fat to muscle when you chew, Chuck is a big advocate of being in tip top physical shape. It is extremely easy for men this age to hit a gym on a semi regular basis and end up cut out of granite. Once you’ve added size and mass, it’s fairly easy to maintain and you can typically carry that look into your thirties with a bit of extra work (and waxing off your back hair).

Being in good physical condition requires some motivation and work ethic which if developed in this age range tends to stay with you for the remainder of your life (obviously there are some people who slip off course – see Geoff Huegel). Learning the principles of hard work and dedication is a good thing.

Of course there is the added bonus of looking really good which gives you many more chances to pull fluff. Women will tell you that they don’t want a Calvin Klein model and that they like a bit of beef on their man, but Chuck’s betting they wouldn’t be saying that once you got them home and ripped out a shredded 6 pack. In all seriousness, Chuck isn’t referring to being iron man fit, merely maintaining your size and weight so as to maximise your mental and physical health and your popularity amongst the lady folk.


The principles of round buying have been around since Jesus was a lad (why do you think he turned water into wine? He was skint and it was his buy!). And since that time, there has always been some knob end who’ll cash in on free drinks and then vanish when it’s his turn to buy. It’s pretty simple; if you can’t afford to buy a round of drinks, don’t accept a drink in the first place. Chuck is a Dalai Lama- like man of peace but when it comes to dudes skipping out on their buy, Chucks blood starts to boil. The worst experience Chuck ever had was at a News Years function where a group of guys and girls (6 in total) were buying drinks. The girls were on champagne and the guys on decent beer. Everyone had touched their wallets and it was time for one of the guys to buy. He vanished at this stage and appeared about 30 minutes later with a cheap beer and a wine for the tart he was trying to pull. Chuck instantly recognised that he had skipped his buy but was cut off by Mrs Long who suggested that she simply go and get the next round. Being a man of principle, Chuck could not let it slide and walked up to the chap, clapped his hand and said “I thought it was your buy”. Realising that he had just been outed as tight fisted fuck in front of his beef, the dude quickly offered the can of beer that he had to Chuck (he hadn’t yet sipped from it). It was clear that he thought Chuck would decline, but instead Chuck took the beer out of sheer spite and the fact it tasted like urine.

It still makes Chuck mad typing that (and it happened 3 years ago)!

That last one has actually rattled Chuck’s cage so it’s probably best to sign off at this point in order to save the screen of Chuck’s laptop from getting punched. It’s a difficult process moulding young boys into men and there have been losses along the way as there is with any war. Fortunately Chuck has the experience and battle scars to lead the whose buy is it?


  1. Chuck.. its time to let go of that one..
    Mrs Long.