Tuesday, May 18, 2010

A Leader Amongst Boys

(Ok so that title does sound like Chuck is going to talk about his time as a Scout Leader)

Since Chuck went on holiday to New York City and has spent the past few weeks crapping on about the whole baby evacuation and keeping alive process, the Reality Bytes mail box has steadily been piling up with questions and cries for help. After poring over the list and sorting them into appropriate stacks (life threatening, sexual enhancers, common sensical and romantic overtures) it became apparent that a number of young men have got wind of Chuck’s Mentoring Program (CMP) and desperately want to be involved. 

The CMP is a closely guarded course due to the labour intensive work required not only by Chuck but also its participants. The goal is to provide leadership and direction to 1-2 young men each year and assist them in navigating the tricky years between ages 17-27.  Each year Chuck takes a couple of lost souls under his wing and provides insight into living life as a ‘man’. The education comes in mental, spiritual, emotional, physical and of course sartorial forms. Chuck works with these young men to smooth the edges off so that they develop into fine upstanding citizens (or can at least pull a root without having to pay for it).

Anyway, with demand for entry into the program far exceeding the available spots, Chuck has decided to offer up a few pieces of key advice in the hope a greater slice of young men can benefit. It’s plainly obvious that an online mentoring program is not going to be as effective as one-on-one counselling since there are times when Chuck needs to physically eyeball a wayward lamb (please don’t suggest video conferencing) in order to see where his head is at. In any case, some help is better than no help, so lets get a few simple guidelines out there.


With technology advancing in leaps and bounds, it is easy to take shortcuts and find the easy way out. Examples of being a total pussy include:

Dumping a girl via text message- this is a bullshit maneuver that suggests either you have no testicles, or aren’t quick enough on your feet to get yourself out of the jam. Before anyone says they don’t like hurting people’s feelings and a text saves you from that, punch yourself in the face and imagine how it would feel if you got a text message from a hospital telling you a loved one had passed away because they couldn’t deal with the pain of telling you face to face. Granted, that is a fairly extreme example, but Chuck isn’t running a school for pussies here! Suck it up and make the call.

Text messaging your boss to tell them you’re sick - also a below average move. It isn’t hard to dial up your boss and put on your sick voice and the vast majority wont even question your illness unless it is on a Monday morning after a Sunday concert and you’re friends with them on Facebook and you just posted photos.

By sucking it up and making the tough call, you’ll equip yourself for tougher situations in life, such as having to fire someone yourself or being trapped on a bomb laden bus that cannot drop below 60mph with a bridge approaching that has a large segment missing.


This is Chuck’s patented Plus 30 rule or +30 for short. Look, between the ages of 17 and 27 you are figuring out how to get laid, how to do it well, how to make money, how to handle alcohol, how to experiment with drugs, how to drive laps around popular night spots with your stereo pumping and how the world works. That’s a lot of shit to get sorted out. Getting married prior to all of this being sorted out puts undue strain on things and can often lead to ruin.

There are many young men who taste vagina (ok, bad expression, Chuck should have said sample) and are positive that that vagina is the one for them forever. In fact there are probably plenty of non religious freaks who married the first bush they had and who are now stuck with it, without ever seeing if the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. Chuck isn’t suggesting blokes should whore around but you do need to experience what life has to offer before being mature enough to settle down and make it work with your chosen woman.

After 30, most guys have a grip on a career path, some financial stability and a sprinkling of maturity. All of those things are key ingredients in making a marriage work. Why enter into holy matrimony before you’re in that place? Now, if you are devoutly religious and you are a virgin, Chuck can understand why you’d marry the first decent chick you meet, a man has needs after all. If this is you, Chuck suggests a change of faith or perhaps a Greek religion.


Chuck has said it before in this forum – how many life decisions do you make when you are 20? At that age, the biggest decisions you make involve upsizing meals at fast food outlets and whether or not to take the sticker off your new cap. Yet Chuck sees countless young men succumbing to the lure of the tattoo gun and having awesome art work like the following etched onto their bodies permanently:
Chuck has been in that head space where he wants something desperately (everyone needs a Dust buster after all) and has found that a casual stroll around a lake and a good long hard think about the merits of what it is that he desires is often enough to quash the need for the time being.

Even scarier is the prevalence of neck tattoos. They seem to be the next big thing which is all well and good until you decide that you’ve had enough of trying to cut it as a pro skateboarder or a drummer and would now like an office job that actually pays. Australia does have excellent discrimination laws, but a lawyer with a sick dragon tattoo wrapping around his neck only has a small client base Chuck is sure.

Hold off on the tats lads!


Chuck isn’t referring to a dodgy telesales call left on your home phone. In the age of the mobile phone where the callers number is displayed on the screen, it is just plain rude to not return a call. The caller knows you know it was them, so by not calling back you are basically saying “I don’t care that you called me and I don’t respect you enough to call back”.  Now obviously if you were occupied or missed the call and it is now late you don’t have to call, but an effort should be made to return the call the next day. Even a text message can be fired back asking if it was important  (although Chuck would argue that if it wasn’t important, the call wouldn’t have been made in the first place). Returning calls is conscientious and makes it look like you care. If you don’t like the person who called you, ask yourself why they have your number in the first place?

More mentoring to come, to be continued…

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