Sunday, March 21, 2010

A friend in need..... is a dodgy f*cker

Dear Chuck

Since my work has banned Facebook, Reality Bytes has been my saving grace.

Not only am I a wiser woman on the dating scene, I am also now a tiger in the bedroom.

My ex and I broke up a year ago and I recently ran into his mate. It was really nice to see him and we arranged to go out for lunch. Nothing sinister happened but maybe it’s worth considering.

When I first met my ex’s mate, my ex accused his mate of flirting with me and got really jealous. I thought my ex was being silly as I was offering to set his mate up with a friend of mine.

The second time I met up with his mate my ex’s worst fears were confirmed and his mate was attracted to me as he sent a text telling me that ‘I wanted to invite you up to watch some old movies but I wanted to do the right thing’ (I’m not sure if this was tactic to work out if I liked him as well or if he was throwing it back on me). I was shocked so I sent a text back saying my attraction lay with my ex and ceased all contact. I told my ex as I thought I should be honest and he wasn’t too happy.

I had a lovely afternoon with my ex’s mate and I’ve been thinking maybe I shouldn’t have overlooked him as my ex turned out to be a jerk anyway. And yes I did feel the attraction the second time I met up with him but I pushed it to the back of mind as I was with his friend. I guess I felt a bit overwhelmed and flabbergasted he admitted to it because it wasn’t right at the time and I’m not one to do the dirty on someone.

Chuck Long, is it okay to now go out with my ex-boyfriends mate?

With much gratitude,

Sleepless in Sydney

Dear Sleepless in Sydney,

First and foremost, Chuck suggests you pack up both your PC and mobile phone, drive onto the Sydney Harbour Bridge and launch those fuckers over the side. The reason for this? You seriously need to surround yourself with some higher quality blokes and the best way to start is a full audit of every single dude you know. With no email addresses or phone numbers you’ll be able to start afresh and not be dragged into the cesspool of jealousy, manipulation and deceit that appears to swirling around you.*

Chuck realizes that simply launching your PC doesn’t eradicate all email addresses but it sounded so much more dramatic than “change email addresses or block them”. It’s all about the drama here.

Your ex sounds like a fuck knuckle. He accused his mate of flirting with you and got jealous? Have a little more faith in your game son! Jealousy is an odd demon. Why would he be jealous that his mate is cracking onto his woman? He should be pumped that he pulled the sort of beef that other blokes want to get into. He probably has a right to get a bit salty if you were reciprocating the flirting, but if you weren’t then he is clearly insecure and you probably should have told him to eat rocks at that point instead of wasting any more of your life with him.

In previous posts, Chuck has touched on the rules of hooking up with your ex boyfriend’s / husband’s mates. If he dumps you, it’s fair game for the most part (unless he dumped you for blowing another one of his mates – then you’re a ho and you cant go near any other members of his friendship circle). It’s always dangerous territory when you’ve dated someone seriously for a length of time and then start feeding on his friends. Too many relationships and shared info to get in the way of things running smoothly. Having said that, so long as you aren’t hooking up with his mate just to mess with your ex then according to the court of Reality Bytes you are free to proceed.

Did you think Chuck was going to let you off the hook that easy??

Everything you need to know about suitor number two features in your email. This guy is a douche bag and Chuck will now explain why.

Suitor 2, in full knowledge that you were going out with his mate decided that he’d just fire off a text inviting you over to his place? Come on, he may as well just have said “hey if you’re not doing anything, swing by and we’ll fuck”. Totally despicable move and once you told your boyfriend (and if he had any nuts which Chuck isn’t sure about), he should have immediately cut his friend out and ended all communication. Just an underhanded move that should have told you everything you needed to know about this guy. How could you ever trust him if he was prepared to do that to his mate?

As a side note, Chuck does realise that love and attraction are strange forces and occasionally a guy falls for his mate’s girl. So in those instances how should a bloke handle it? How does he get the message across?

About the only way he can do it is like this:

However, it’s totally wanky and if he were ever caught, his manhood would forever be questioned. And Chuck could never respect him.

Anyway, lets get back on course.

To make this matter worse, not only is he a grease ball, he also invited you around to watch old movies. The only way that situation could have been shittier was if he suggested Dirty Dancing! He is treacherous, and a massive dork. Chuck’s not sure about you, but typically when women discuss what they’re most looking for in a man, deceitful and dorky don’t often feature. If he was going to be a backstabber, at the very least he could have come up with something a little more interesting to do at his place than throwing in a few dusty old DVDs and reliving the dream. You know, a cool backstabber.

So while this guy may titillate you and cause you to think about whether you might want to see him again, take pause (and Chuck’s outstanding advice) and realise that he is an A1 fuckwit. The best thing you can do is flush all memories of your ex down the crapper – including his social network. The stink of your ex has stuck to his friends!


  1. I'm looking for a wanky kind of man, who's manhood will be forevered questioned.

    Wanky men, yes!

  2. Sleepless in SydneyMarch 23, 2010 at 5:07 PM

    I took your advice and was amazed at how freeing it was to launch my mobile and pc of the bridge. Goodbye fuckwits!