We have a man down.
A friend of mine has found himself a girlfriend and completely dropped out of circulation. It’s the worst case of being under the thumb I have ever witnessed. He didn’t have a serious girlfriend for quite some time so I understood him disappearing for a couple of months, however this has now gone on for over a year.
How should I go about telling him that he’s freezing out his lifelong mates?
An old pal of Chucks once said to a group of friends, “If fucking your mates was cool, who’d need women?” (Obviously that statement doesn’t carry as much weight in the homosexual community). Unfortunately, boning your boys is not widely appreciated in the wider heterosexual community and therefore female companionship is at a premium.
Chuck had 2 good friends who suffered through significant relationship droughts (in fact, the chap who uttered the above statement was one) who then hit pay dirt and almost vanished from existence. At the time it genuinely bugged Chuck that once solid friends had sacrificed friendship over relationships, but with the benefit of time and age Chuck has come to appreciate their decisions.
Blowing off your friends is not a matter that Chuck Long takes lightly, however some serious consideration must be made to circumstance before you embark on some form of intervention. TJ, you say that your buddy didn’t have a serious girlfriend for quite some time. If you define ‘quite some time’ in months then your boy is a little out of line. Nobody likes a dude who ices his homeboys for any girl that happens to blow onto the scene. If it’s a once off, you probably need to ride the storm and wait for it to happen again. Upon the second occasion, you are well within your rights as a friend to confront him over a beer and flat out tell him that bros come before ho’s.
If your friend is like the dude Chuck knew – that is, their last relationship ended somewhere around 1999, then you need to cool your jets and let your boy be. You’ll notice that Chuck has used the words ‘had’ and ‘knew’ any time he’s referenced his friends in a similar situation. Past tense. Why? Because Chuck doesn’t see those dudes anymore. Does Chuck sweat it? Well sure, it sucks to not see former friends, but fuck can you blame anyone for going into pussy hibernation after 10 years in the wilderness?
That’s how Chuck came to grips with it. He put himself in the shoes of those dudes and realised just how much it would suck balls to be relationshipless for a decade. As much as guys piss and moan about the grief their wives and girlfriends give them, there isn’t too many who’d trade in a solid relationship for solitude. And before anyone starts crapping on how they’d just become a playboy and slay different poontang each and every night, cast your mind back to before you met your significant other and recount how much random bush you pulled then. Chucks point exactly!
The dude who uttered the statement “If fucking your mates was cool, who’d need women?” offered it on a weekend away with the lads in response to one of the boys complaining about his girlfriend giving him a hard time. This was a guy who was super well liked by all. Yet, the moment he had an opportunity to be in a serious relationship, he gobbled it up like a fat kid at Sizzler (minus the salmonella). For all his bravado, the guy was deeply scarred from a previous relationship and pined for companionship. As a rebuttal to his statement, you could argue that women are also fairly handy for dealing with some of the emotional baggage that men have too!
Anyway, it’s with that knowledge that Chuck suggests you give your boy some space TJ and get off his nuts. You may be aware of some of the relationship bullshit he’s been through in the past, but Chucks prepared to wager that you don’t know half of the mental anguish he’s been dealing with, simply because dudes don’t tell other dudes how they feel. There is a strong possibility that he’s been searching for a woman for eons and feeling like dog shit. Sure he puts on a brave front, but while you’re flying out on holiday with your girlfriend, he’s stuck at home with his thumb up his arse and a deep seeded desire to be loved.
Chuck knows he’s getting deep here but if you confront your buddy and complain that he’s icing his friends, then your just being selfish and you’ll more than likely do irreparable damage. There’s a reason that he’s not kicking it with you (the 12 month part should tell you something). If you love someone (or thing) you have to let him go TJ.
At the end of the day, perhaps you weren’t as tight as you thought you were or maybe you’re not as likeable as you’d like to believe. One thing is definitely true though; you don’t give as good head – so back off!