Monday, October 25, 2010

The gift that keeps on giving


I have a serious thing for a friend of my mate’s girlfriend and I think the attraction is mutual. However, before I launch into things with her I thought I’d come and see the “man” and get your take on a particular issue. This girl had the reputation as a good time girl back in the day. One of the widely known results of these good times amongst her circle of friends was a case of herpes. That piece of knowledge is the only thing holding me back. If I didn’t know her friend well enough for her to tell me i would have definitely made my move already. I’m stuck.

Mix Master David


Is it safe for Chuck to assume that you’re not referring to the type of herpes that resides on the mouth?

Many a parched and dehydrated traveller has stumbled upon a stagnant creek or puddle in the wilderness and been faced with the decision “to drink or not drink” from the dirty and bacteria infested water. The dried tongue and beaten body scream “DO IT” while the last remaining fibres of commonsense in the brain remind them that the short burst of relief will be quickly followed by stomach cramps, diarrhoea and maybe death. Sometimes however, the flesh wins the argument. A better prepared traveller, flush with ample supplies of water on the other hand walks straight past the stale water, safe in the knowledge that they have better options.

So what the fuck is Chuck trying to say with that awesome analogy? Well not much, but if you haven’t had regular poontang, you could be easily swayed into making a hasty decision that could have severe ramifications to your future well being. Ok, so perhaps that is a dramatic over simplification of the entire scenario but Chuck desperately wanted to use the thirsty traveller bit.

Didn’t it used to be so much easier when the equation was: boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl get married, boy breaks girls hymen, boy and girl live happily ever after. Now it’s boy and girl meet on RSVP (or E-Harmony if they’re looking for a long lasting relationship based on compatibility), boy and girl sleep together on first date, boy posts message on girls Facebook page that she might want to get checked for Chlamydia, boy and girl get married, boy and girl divorce 3.7 years later.

Anyway, with all the random hook ups and a reduced fear of STI’s nowadays, it’s no wonder you’ve bumped into a young lady who is tainted with a gift from the devil that she can never shake. For those of you unaware, let Chuck (with the assistance of Wikipedia) give you a brief rundown of herpes (Chuck made an executive decision and decided to leave the pictures out):

- Genital herpes second most common form of herpes appear as clusters of genital sores on the outer surface of the genitals resembling cold sores.

- In males, sores appear on the glans, shaft, inner thigh, buttocks or anus

- In females, lesions occur on the pubis, labia, clitoris and vulva

- After 2-3 weeks lesions progress into ulcers and then crust and heal

- 45 million afflicted in the US. 1 million joining the club each year

- Spread by sexual contact

- Cannot be cured although symptoms can be managed and outbreaks reduced by medication

As you can see, it’s a real treat of a disease!

Chuck can appreciate your reluctance to dive right in MMD, but at the end of the day love trumps all and if you’re careful you should be able to navigate around her affliction and have a normal and rewarding relationship. If you decide to make a move and she is interested, it’s important that there is a degree of honesty right from the start. Now you can’t expect her to lean over during y our first romantic dinner and whisper into your ear “I just wanted to let you know I have herpes” because that will definitely put you off desert. Conversely, you can’t make mention of it at all because A) you’ll destroy your mates girlfriend (for betraying her trust) and B) you’ll make your girl very uncomfortable.

Assuming she is a normal functioning human being and doesn’t want to pass it on, you need to appreciate how tough it is going to be for her to tell you. Mentioning to a potential love interest that she has an STI carries with it all sorts of risks for her. The worry that you’ll immediately assume that she is a tramp and dump her would be front of mind. If things progress and the time comes to get your freak on, Chuck would expect her to give you the heads up. Make sure that you act surprised when she tells you too but DO NOT respond with something like “wow, I never would have picked it, you look so clean”.

It’s key for you to have protection on hand because as we all know, the dick always triumphs as the sexual activity ratchets up and it’s at times like these (let’s call it a moment of weakness) that you could be tempted to dive in unprotected. It will tell you a lot about your lady friend. However, condoms are not 100% safe. Consistently using male or female condoms and other barriers for all sexual contact, including oral, anal, vaginal, and manual sex, will greatly reduce the risk of transmission. So will taking suppressive therapy, which lowers the amount of virus in your system. However, both you and your partner should remember that you can transmit the virus even if you don't have any symptoms.(

You’d obviously like to not worry about an STI that will always be looming behind the scenes but if you’re sensible and open about it, you should be able to manage the problem effectively. The frequency of sex can be impacted as you’ll want to dodge boning during outbreaks and there can be difficulties during pregnancy and child birth but we’re getting way ahead of ourselves here.

Chuck would encourage you to ask this girl out and see how things progress as there’s a chance you don’t even get close to firing a shot and all this worry has been for naught. Once again, the problem can be managed and you can be happy.

Of course you may have a big problem if you have fetishes that include sniffing or wearing ladies underwear!

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