Dear Chuck and Madame Boodwah,
I’ve recently been on two dates with a South African guy – lets call him Schimon. I'm old school and believe if a man wants to be with you he’ll call, so I did the right thing and waited.. 9 days later when I still hadn’t heard from him I figured he just wasn’t that into me. But on the 10th day he sent me a text saying ‘Hey I’m in the book store and I’ve come across the book Drink, Play, Fuck and it made me think of you. Not literally of course. How are you? (Eat, Pray, Love was a topic of conversation during our date). I replied and he responded “I’ll call you tonight”... But he didn't, and then the next day he texted a “sorry for not calling”. This pattern continued for several weeks, until finally I realised it was time to hop off the merry go round. When he next texted ‘sorry for not calling’ I wrote back ‘well why don’t you call me now then?’ NO RESPONSE! He emailed the next day... I have attached the discourse for your consideration.. please help.
From: Schimon Sent: Tuesday 7:18 AM To: Kirsten Subject: Text
Thanks (I think) for your text – I didn’t call last night as I was anxious to get to bed and was in bed when I sent that message…I have a busy day today…
From: Kirsten Sent: Tuesday 11:14 AM To: Schimon Subject: RE: Text
Well nice to know I was your last thought before you went to sleep however it just seems I get a lot of texts from you saying sorry for not calling so I kind of thought why don’t you just give me a call now.
I understand you live a busy life like myself but I’ve realised if want to get to know someone you’ve kind of got to make the time for them and if it’s all a bit hard maybe we should let this go because I don’t believe it should be.
From: Schimon Sent: Thursday 8:56 AM To: Kirsten Subject: RE: Text
I don’t want to be seen to be hiding behind impersonal e-mails, but I wanted to respond to your e-mail. I think there’s a lot of truth in what you say and I can certainly not fault you for that. On the other hand, I am consciously trying to live a life of unaccountability (I nearly wrote “selfishness” but it’s a little different) and while I may have been spreading myself a little thinly of late, I’m afraid this is a decision that I’ve made and one I intend to stick to in the near term. Why? Well, I have only recently really begun to enjoy being single and I am finding this “selfishness” quite liberating – it is a position I have not found myself in for many many years.
I have always thought that selfishness in life is acceptable provided it is for the good of both the person being selfish and others (or at least not to their detriment). I didn’t realise that I was doing you a disservice and for that I am truly sorry.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to chatting about this and I’m really sorry you feel the way you do (or seem to).
I hope everything is otherwise well Kirsten.
Are you f*cking kidding me? That was potentially the biggest load of toss I have ever read. It's guys like this that give men a bad name. Let me loosely translate this:
- I was hoping that you would be on call whenever I needed some attention
- I am trying to be a pimp, live the single life, get laid where possible; unfortunately I don’t have the game to do it
- I was using being busy as an excuse to do this
- You busted me so I had to admit to being a selfish pr*ck
- I didn’t think you would actually call me out on this
- I will leave the door ajar just in case you want another hook up / are too ditzy to realise what I am up to
New rule - NO MORE SOUTH AFRICANS
Kirsten this seems like the kind of guy who calls out his own name when having sex. Well done for confronting him in such a diplomatic way. Unfortunately there are knobs out there who will constantly text but have no intention of ever taking you out again. Why do they do this? Well they just need someone to stroke their ego because lets face it no one else will. This is also a common pattern of behaviour with men whose wife/girlfriend has figured the grass is greener but this is not your problem. Good job for shutting him down.