What goes on the road......

Dear Chuck and the gorgeous Madam Boodwah,

I have a dilemma. A good friend of mine who lives overseas called to say her boyfriend was going to be in my neighbourhood for one weekend on a business trip.

I had only met him once, briefly, but seeing as he was in town alone and didn't know anyone, I offered to take him out to dinner. Everything seemed to be going well, until he starts talking about the cute girls he chatted to in a bar earlier in the day and demanding to know how many times I've thought about cheating on my husband.

This struck me as a very strange thing to say to his girlfriend's mate and more like something a guy would say when he's on the pull.

I paid the bill and left him in the restaurant to drag his sorry, bullying, drunken arse back to his hotel by himself.

Why would a guy do this? Do I tell my friend that I suspect her boyfriend is a cheating asshat? Or do I give him the benefit of the doubt and blame his behaviour on too much wine and ingrained character flaws?

From,

Don Wannabea Dobba

Dear DWD,

There's an old sporting adage:

“What goes on the road, stays on the road”

Loosely translated, this means that when a sporting teams takes off to face an opposition on foreign soil, all indiscretions (generally those that take place off the field) are kept amongst the squad.

In this instance, if you were on a sporting team with this fellow, you would be obligated to keep these actions under your hat and put on a happy face as the team bus pulled up and he leapt into the arms of his waiting lover

Unfortunately for this travelling knob jockey, you aren't on a team and in fact your loyalties lie with the opposition.

You state that you had only met this chap once previously so there are a couple of scenarios to consider

a) at your first meeting you were giving him the bedroom eyes

b) his ultimate fantasy is to chop up his girlfriend's mates.

c) he's an adulterous douche bag

Chuck is leaning to option 3.

You ask a couple of pertinent questions:

1. why would a guy do this?

Perhaps he was trying to play the dangerous card, make you feel like he has poontang on tap, options aplenty. Remember, women like bad boys.

Maybe he thought he was in with a chance with you so he mentions the cute girls to let you know that he is looking and asks you about your cheating thoughts to evaluate your moral fibre and availability.

There is a chance that he actually wants to break up from his girlfriend but doesn't have the testicular fortitude to pull the trigger. His strategy may be to incriminate himself to you, allow you to rat him out and have your friend give him the axe. He could deny all allegations, blame you but still walk away over trust issues and get away almost blame free.

Most likely he is a dimwit. On his own in a different town with road beef* on his mind. The spermatozoa that has accumulated in his brain is pickling his thoughts and he has let his guard down.

*Road Beef – women that are boned by athletes on road trips

Seriously, is it really that hard to be a normal bloke? All he had to do was show up, be polite, buy a couple of drinks, make small talk and get out of there to the hooker he had eyeballed on his drive in. You and his soon to be ex girlfriend would be non the wiser.

Instead his loose lips have sunk his ship which leads us to your second question:

2. Do I tell my friend that I suspect her boyfriend is a cheating asshat?

In Chuck's professional opinion, yes you absolutely do.

You may have to package it up by saying “i was out with X and he was making some odd remarks that really worried me” and leave it at that or you could be brutally honest and break it down point by point.

What do you have to lose?

Your friend may pack the shits with you, but she lives overseas and you barely see her anyway. Your conscience will be clear

Chuck Long

Creep - Musings of Madame Boodwah

Creep is this guy's theme song. Lets picture this song from Radiohead playing in the background as I deliver my response to your questions. Hit it Thom...

‘Cause I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo…..’

• Why would a guy do this?

Because some mothers do have them. He could possibly be unhappy in his relationship but this is still no excuse to act like a creep. Insecurity and a thirst for control due to an actual lack of it are other thoughts that come to mind…

‘I don’t care if it hurts, I want to have control’

• Do I tell my friend that I suspect her boyfriend is a cheating asshat?

Yes but in the way Chuck has suggested. If you were in your friend's situation wouldn’t you want to know? I certainly would. If you and your friend are truly good friends and know each other well, she’ll know that your statements are coming from the heart. At worst she may be a bit irked but if you’re great friends she’ll get over it and one day thank you because if she hadn’t dumped x she wouldn’t have met y. The last thing you want is an invitation to her and this chumps wedding in a couple of years. CRINGE!

Or do I give him the benefit of the doubt and blame his behaviour on too much wine and ingrained character flaws?

No. No way. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s done creepy stuff like this before and uses alcohol as the excuse to his girlfriend all the time. It seems like this guy has something on his conscience and is almost projecting it on to you to feel less bad about himself.

‘You’re so f*cking special. I want to be special.’