Zee Boob Sex

In the Autumn of 2005 after an intense year of renovating the Reality Bytes Chateau in the South of France with the help of Miss Doodwah, Madame Boodwah felt it was time they both visited their good friend Agent Nein and her infamous cocktail bar in Munich called The Sarge.

Now not only was Agent Nein up there with some of the best cocktail makers in world she was also blessed with a perfect set of bosoms that were al naturale. Agent Nein was also the kind of woman you wouldn’t want to fuck around with either as she’s good at restoring order which is quite a skill when you own a cocktail bar.

The Sarge opened its doors in the early afternoon at 2pm. It was right near the English Garten and it had tables and chairs that spread out onto the cobble street. After a productive day of shopping for Australia Madame Boodwah and Miss Doodwah sat down at one of the long tables outside to join Agent Nein’s boyfriend Brian. Agent Nien walked out to join us with 3 of her signature cocktails called ‘The Sarge’ and a Bundy and Coke for Brian when we were joined by some local Germans.

Their English was decent and soon we got chatting after a few drinks. They were nice guys and had just run the Munich marathon that day. They were a bit dehydrated because they went from being pretty respectful to pretty drunk very quickly.

Getting bored of their badinage Madame Boodwah and Miss Doodwah walked inside to go to the ladies.

Agent Nein was sitting next to a guy called Stefanmeister who at first seemed quite nice. During our absence they started off chatting about life in Germany and life in Australia...all going along very nicely until he asked her “So, Agent Nein, do you have zee boob sex?”

Agent Nein thought she had misheard or was lost in translation.

“Sorry Stefanmeister, could you repeat that?” asked Agent Nein

“Do you have zee boob sex?” he replied while making the motion of pushing boobs together with his chest.

Suddenly Agent Nein knew she wasn't lost in translation anymore.

“Stefanmeister, no comment!” exclaimed Agent Nein and shot Brian a look across the table of “HELP!!!!”

Unfortunately Brian was deep and drunk in translation with another local over some Bundy and Coke so missed her look of desperation.

Stefanmeister in a German accent continued to ask her the same question about forty times and it evolved into three questions,

“Agent Neeeeeeiiiiiiinnnnn, you have very nice boobs, do you have zee boob sex, und, do you like zee boob sex und vat do you call zee boob sex?” enquired Stefanmeister

Finally, after Brian still not rescuing this damsel in distress Agent Nein said “Stefanmeister, no, I don't have zee boob sex, and no, I don't like zee boob sex, it is very boring for a woman, and we don't call it boob sex, we call it the ‘hotdog’!!!”

Just as Madame Boodwah and Miss Doodwah walked backed outside Agent Nein picked herself up and left as Stefanmeister was imitating the head job action behind her back much to our horror.

Then one of the guys then proceeded to throw up under the table.

Agent Nein turned around and thought ‘I’m not having any of this in my bar’ and shot them a look of as if she was to take an angle grinder to their testicles.

‘Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein!’ Agent Nein screamed at them as slammed her hand on the table to every Nein. The whole bar went quiet.

Madame Boodwah, Miss Doodwah and Brian had not seen her get this mad in a long time but they knew she meant business. The Germans went white in the face and were cowering at their table.

Agent Nein turned her back to them and walked towards the power hose giving us a slight smile and wink.

‘Girls when I give the nod turn the hose on full boar’ whispered Agent Nein

‘No problem.’ Replied Madame Boodwah and Miss Doodwah in synch.

The hose was already laid out from Brian watering the plants that afternoon.

Agent Nein calmly walked back to the table as though nothing had happened and sat down next to the Stefanmeister. The Stefanmeister thought he was in.

‘You are a very feisty creature’ he said with a look of arousment

‘You know I’ve been thinking about what you said’ said Agent Nein smiling ‘How do you feel about showers?’ she continued

‘Like golden shower?’ he asked with excitement

Agent Nein leaned down to picked up the hose and looked over to give us the nod. Madame Boodwah and Miss Doodwah quickly turned the hose onto full bore as Agent Nein shoved it down his throat.

Madame Boodwah suddenly had a flash back to her childhood when Pa Boodwah came drunk one night after being dropped off by his mates and the Judge took the hose to him by shoving down his throat on the front lawn.

When Stefanmeister started gagging and going blue in the face Agent Nein turned it on his friends as started heading for the hills with the shrieks of little lambs running away from the abattoir.

Everyone at the bar started laughing. Once they were gone Madame Boodwah turned off the hose. Agent Nein walked over to wind the hose over the tap against the walked.

‘Thanks girls’ said Agent Nein

‘With pleasure’ we said with a smile.

Brian walked over and asked for another Bundy and Coke in a drunken slur.

‘I’ve now got 99 cocktails and Bundy and Coke now ain’t one!’ Agent Nein Trace scowled at him.

That night Brian slept on the couch and Bundy and Coke was taken off the menu forever.