Room for only one cock in the henhouse

Chuck,

I think I have a problem with one of my mates and have no f*cking clue how to handle it. A group of the lads head out almost every weekend for a few drinks and obviously to try our luck with the ladies. Almost every time I’ve been in pretty good with a girl my mate finds a way to interrupt and totally kill any chance I had. Why would any bloke do this and how do I sort it out? I’m pretty sure I’m not over reacting here.

Dennis

Dennis,

Getting cock blocked when you’re on a sure thing totally fucking sucks. Typically the cock block comes from one of the girl’s friends who uses the rationale that “she doesn’t want to let her friend make a mistake that she’ll regret forever” (when in reality it’s because she is totally jealous that she couldn’t pick up and if she cant get laid, no one will). There isn’t much you can do to nullify this cock block other than to employ an expert wingman who’ll take one for the team.  The only other option for dodging the friend cock block is to quickly and deftly find a dark and secluded corner and then secretly exit the premises before the friend figures out where you are, however a woman set on not letting a dude pork a friend is very rarely beaten by this maneuver. Its like the minute they decide that their pal is NOT getting boned, they develop an ultra sensitive radar that allows them to track her at all times.

You will find cock blocking taking place in the male species but it’s rarely amongst mates and generally involves 2 dudes angling for the same woman. If two guys are interested in the same lady, you’ll often see one or both trying to usurp the other. Some women love the attention and will soak both guys for attention and preferably drinks while other women get tired of the testosterone and leave the dudes to scrap it out without her. One of Chucks favourite cock blocks is the former couple that happen to end up in the same place. The lady starts to get some attention from a new male and the former lover decides that either he isn’t good enough to poke her or is simply jealous. What the ex lover doesn’t understand is that any interruption is a red rag to a bull and the new man will try even harder to bone his ex. On top of that, the female former partner will also get aggravated and is more likely to root the other dude out of spite. It’s a no win situation for the ex male partner in this situation.

The cock block amongst friends is extremely uncommon. The usual reason behind a mate cock block is one of the friends having a crush on the woman that the other friend is having a go at. Being males, the likelihood that the friend has expressed to his mates that he is interested in the woman is zero. Most men will just suffer in silence while a few others will attempt the cock block. No man would think to pull his friend aside and admit that he has feelings for the woman. It just never happens.

Another cause for cock blocking amongst friends is simply for a good laugh. Men can be evil bastards and take sick pleasure in screwing a mates chance of getting laid. This form of behaviour is normally a one off thing and is more likely to happen towards the end of the night when both parties are intoxicated and the interruption may be overcome. Sober cock blocking is a totally bullshit move and is in no way, shape or form acceptable.

Which leads Chuck to your situation Dennis.

Your boy is mate cock blocking and seems to be doing so while sober. It’s probably time to tell him to eat rocks and stop hanging out with him or accept the fact that he is in love with you.

Yeah, Chuck can appreciate that that last paragraph may be a little confronting but sometimes Chuck needs to call it as he sees it. Lets look at this from a few angles.

He is cock blocking you on a semi regular basis and with different women involved. He clearly has no love interest in the women you’re working on so the love interest card cannot be played here. It would seem that he’s also doing it while sober so his goal here appears to be to trash any chance you have to get some action. As previously stated, guys will often cock block for a gag with other mates, but not on a regular basis like this.

Chuck suggests you ask him what he’s up to. The confrontation will be completely uncomfortable and it is guaranteed that he’ll deny doing anything. At least by doing this you’ve put it out there and any other instances of it occurring is grounds for punching him directly in the nose.

Jealousy may be a reason for a friend cock block. Your mate sees you out and about each week, working your magic with the ladies and he gets crotchety that he isn’t getting any action. Perhaps he thinks he has more to offer than you and hates the fact that you’re getting a shot and he isn’t. If he can’t get any then you cant either!

The above two points are enough reason to never hang out socially with this guy again or to completely dump him from your friendship circle. After all, who needs friends that impede on your sex life?

This all leads Chuck to the suggestion that perhaps your mate is in love with you (or at least wants to chop you up). Each week he sees you getting it on with the ladies and each week he stands by the bar stewing in his own juices as the man of his dreams slips further from his reach. Finally he has enough and decides that he’ll bust up your evening. In his head this will lead you to think that you just don’t have it with the ladies and that in fact you are more attracted to men. The minute you have this realization he will be there for you! It’s amazing how a lust-addled mind can twist reality.

As interesting and deviant as that sounds, the most likely scenario of them all??

Your mate is a socially inept fuckwit.

Seriously, there are people out there who just don’t know how to act. He sees you working some game on a lovely lady and thinks that he can saunter over and join the conversation, like his presence will ratchet her evening up tenfold. Perhaps this guy has no sense of awareness and doesn’t think that A) you’re looking to score or B) he’s fucking things up. Either way, the next time he asks if you’re heading out for a night on the town it may be best to lie and tell him you’re buried in a good book.