Hi Chuck,
My boyfriend never notices things like a new haircut or dress. I make a real effort to look my best and I must say, it’s a little deflating when it goes without any form of recognition or reaction.
Why is it that guys have no clue when it comes to these sorts of things?
Sue Ellen
Dear Sue Ellen,
Let Chuck tell you the very best way to get your boyfriend to react to your new looks. Before you head off to get a haircut or to buy a fresh frock, ask him for 200 bucks. Then when you walk in the door and he asks what you needed the money for, simply point to your head or pirouette. It will take approximately 2 seconds for the sight to make its way to his brain, but when it does, you’ll absolutely get a reaction most typically in the form of him exploding out of his chair and stomping around the house.
There are a couple of reasons that a bloke doesn’t notice things that the average woman picks up in a few seconds. Firstly, men are generally uninterested in things like women’s fashion. For the most part, if an outfit shows a little bit of boob and is accompanied by nice underwear the average man will be content. Things like shoes and accessories are not what guys are on the lookout for and surely you’d be a little concerned if you walked into the room with a brand new Fendi Selleria handbag and he sprinted over to you snatched it out of your hands and pawed it admiringly?
Granted sometimes the things that a man can miss can be utterly amazing. It took Chuck months to notice Mrs Long was pregnant for example. It does say a lot about a man and your relationship if he is missing the changes you make. For example, if you are normally a brunette and come home as a platinum blonde and he still doesn’t notice, you need to check whether he is conscious. Guys who miss obvious stuff like that are either mentally retarded or just don’t care.
If you’re dating a mentally retarded man then you have made your bed and must lie in it. If he just doesn’t care then you’re in big trouble and should probably boot him to the curb or you’ll spend the remainder of your time together going unnoticed and feeling shitty about it.
Another reason why guys will often miss new purchases or things like haircuts is because women often have a knack for changing without changing. Brace yourself for a Chuck Long deep thought here. Many women live in a comfort bubble when it comes to their look and style. You may go and buy a new dress, but it’ll look strikingly similar in style to much of your current wardrobe. Hair is the same, you’ll talk and talk about radically altering your hairdo (which for a bloke would involve a buzz cut) then come home with your hair one shade darker than it was originally. You and your pals may rave about your new look, but for a dude, one deviation to the left or right of normal isn’t enough to elicit a reaction.
It’s very easy to test Chuck’s theory – change it up! Instead of that one deviation to the left or right, take ten. Then watch your man stand up and take notice. If you typically dress conservatively, get yourself a frock with a plunging neckline and that’s short enough to reveal what you had for breakfast. You can be sure that your husband will notice the new you (especially if he is a member of the Taliban in which case his reaction may be to chop your head off). If you already dress like this, take a night off from the strip club and dress like a librarian. Chuck is positive your pimp boyfriend will notice a change in scenery.
Hair is always the one that Chuck finds amusing. Women will fork over large wads of cash to their ‘stylist’ who cuts and colours their hair in exactly the same way for years at a time. You can’t expect a bloke to instantly notice when you’ve had your hair freshened by a hairdresser when it probably looks exactly the same after you’ve washed and dried it yourself. If you want your man to notice your head, either change up your looks on a semi regular basis or really let it get feral before each hair cut.
You do need to cut your bloke some slack if you are the type of person who gets your hair cut weekly or sport a new outfit every other day. If this is you you’ve morphed into someone who’s regular look is ‘new’. When your regular look is new, he’ll never know when something newer has been added. Your new look has become your common look. The only way he’ll pick up on changes is if you have a shared bank account and he notices the massive drain on your finances every week. That’s a bad kind of noticing since he’ll likely cut you off.
Look, its simple, if you want your boyfriend to notice, you need to change it up drastically enough for it to register on his radar. If you do change it up radically and he doesn’t notice then you probably need to question your choice in boyfriend since he obviously doesn’t care as much about how you look, as you want him to.
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