Dear Madame Boodwah
I had been in a relationship with a comedian called ‘Jester’ for 6 months. After having sex for a couple of months he started whipping out his phone in the midst of copulation to take a photo of my nether regions on top of his Weinerwurst. At first I was hesitant but then I thought what’s the harm, I trust him – 3 months later we broke up. Since our split I have begged him to delete my amateur attempts at porn but he continues to ignore my existence.
To add to the problem Jester has a regular gig on a well known breakfast show in Melbourne once a week. My friend is a big fan of this show and over coffee yesterday told me how another well known comedian on the same radio show was telling the story of flicking through his friends iPhone photos and coming across this picture! All colour drained from my face and I felt very light headed. Besides being hugely embarrassed I am worried if I become a public figure some day this will come back to haunt me. Chuck and Madame are aspirations of becoming a political or business leader some over?
Pauline
Dear Pauline,
Do not fear my dear as I feel you’ve still got options and you can work this in your favor.
Option 1
In today’s society it has been proven that if you want to become a public figure and for people to take a greater interest in your existence a quick way would to be to turn to porn. It worked for Paris Hilton and who cares if you have nothing to offer the world you’ll still be a public figure! Any sort of sex scandal is good these days for improving your public profile even if it’s not in the most positive of lights.
Or
Option 2
You could always become ‘smart and sexy in the senate’ by joining the political Australian Sex Party http://www.sexparty.org.au/ where according to their website you come first.
Or
Option 3
Do what you’d do if you slept with John Della Bosca - DENY, DENY, DENY!
On a more serious note the Jester is a dog. Madame Boodwah through out her travels has come across many a comedian in her time and although they may seem hilarious and confident on stage in real life are people coming from a real fucked up space and can be quite reclusive, miserable, bitter and perverted. However if they didn’t have these darker characteristics they probably wouldn’t be that funny. In Las Vegas I knew a comedian who’s wife was a stripper and he liked to watch her when pleasing clients, I know another one who’s a junkie on the main airwaves of Sydney and another one who’s been thrown in jail for glassing a mate much to the dismay of my friend who did have the hots for him. If a comedians a good guy he’s probably not that hilarious on the mic but will have millions in his bank account from his show on a major television channel where he’s surrounded by much funnier comedians and Woman’s Day will love him along with mums and dads.
So there we have it a new Reality Bytes Rule: No dating comedians. They are not the kind of guys you want to take home to your mother unless he sucks on stage.
My advice would also be to keep all video and digital cameras out of the bedroom. If you have a deep desire maybe it’s best to wait until you are married. If the photo comes back to haunt you when you’re a public figure let me know and we'll come up with another strategy.
In the mean time 'say hi to your mum for me'.
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